3 Things to Tell Your Kids When You're Getting Divorced

donderdag 12 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Jenny Erikson 2 hours ago

The other day I made an offhand remark to a friend about something my soon-to-be-ex-husband had done that I found irritating, to put it mildly. Then I realized that my kiddos were right there with me, and overheard my gah I can’t believe he did that(!) comment.

I paused my conversation and launched into my go-to speech whenever something negative comes up about their dad or anything about our impending divorce. “Girls, this divorce is not your fault ...” I didn’t have a chance to finish as both my daughters rolled their eyes and interrupted, “... and you and Daddy both love us very much.”

Divorce with kids is rough, man, and trying to decide what to tell them, how much to tell them, when to tell them, etc., is no easy decision. Everyone has an opinion, and make no mistake, you will be judged for whatever you decide to do. Because of course you didn’t stay married ‘for the kids,’ so now you’re supposed to be an extra perfect parent. You know, to make up for your inability to stay married.

Anyway. You have the people that say you should be completely transparent and reveal the gory details. Then you have the people that think kids should be left completely unaware of what went down in the marriage to protect them and also it’s none of their business.

I think the best answer is somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. I think it is their business, in part, if for no other reason than Mommy and Daddy don’t live together or do that gross kissing thing anymore. They’re going to notice. That said, they really don’t need to know about my inner turmoil or what the straw that broke my marriage’s back was.

No matter how much or how little you decide to reveal to your kids about your divorce, there are three key things that you should tell them.

"This is not your fault." All kids have a tendency to self-blame, so repeat this one over and over. Don’t just say it, live it too. If your child hears, “If only your father had made dinner once in a while,” your child will hear, “If I hadn’t needed dinner, maybe my parents would still be married.”“We both love you very, very much.” Does this one even need an explanation? Even if your co-parent doesn’t act like it, you can use the old fallback of, “He just has a hard time showing it.”“Daddy is not a bad person/jerk/asshat.” Ok, so you don’t have to state this one specifically, but do refrain from name-calling. Your kids are half you and half your ex. If you resort to personal attacks, your kids won’t hear that their dad is a douche canoe; they’ll hear that they’re a douche canoe, because they are half of him. Then they might ask what douche means or, worse, look it up on the Internet, so really it’s better to just avoid the whole thing.

When you’ve done all that, then snuggle, hug, run, play, eat cookies together, and generally show them that they are wonderful little human beings capable of great joy. The best lesson you can teach by example to your kids after your split with their dad is that their happiness is not dependent on their parents’ marital status.

How much do you think kids need to know about their parents' divorce?

Image via Jenny Erikson

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jenny Erikson

is a conservative chick living in Southern California with her two daughters. She loves politics and hates laundry.

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Hey, Taylor Swift, Harry Styles Doesn’t Think You’re Finished With Him Yet

zaterdag 24 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Kiri Blakeley 14 hours ago

Of the long list of ex-boyfriends Taylor Swift has written songs about, one very important ex seems to be missing. Although rumor had it Taylor had written "I Knew You Were Trouble" about One Direction's Harry Styles, she actually wrote the song before hooking up with -- and being dumped by -- Hairy Harry. So the man (boy?) needs a song. Why should that smarmy pretty boy John Mayer get a song and not Harry?!! And we're not the only ones who think that Harry needs a Taylor Swift song. He thinks so too!

The One Directioner told US Weekly:

It would be hypocritical for me to say she couldn't do it because everybody writes songs based on personal experience. I can't say I'd have dated someone less famous to avoid it. At least she's a great songwriter!

Sounds like he's just waiting with bated breath for his damn song, amiright? You can't blame him. All these other dudes get songs. He needs his own stinkin' breakup song! And then for Taylor to sing it to him at the VMAs! This is what the world needs NOW!

I kind of wonder what a Harry ditty would sound like. Maybe sumpthin' like:

I remember making out

In Times Square

On New Year's Eve

With your hair ...

It was cold

But you kept me warm

In Times Square

You were so horn (y)

Well, okay, I didn't say I was a songwriter! But if she said all that, we'd totally know who it was about, right? And then Harry would be happy. And all would be well.

Do you want to hear a song about Harry?

Image via PacificCoastNews

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Hey, Taylor Swift, Harry Styles Doesn’t Think You’re Finished With Him Yet

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Kiri Blakeley 14 hours ago

Of the long list of ex-boyfriends Taylor Swift has written songs about, one very important ex seems to be missing. Although rumor had it Taylor had written "I Knew You Were Trouble" about One Direction's Harry Styles, she actually wrote the song before hooking up with -- and being dumped by -- Hairy Harry. So the man (boy?) needs a song. Why should that smarmy pretty boy John Mayer get a song and not Harry?!! And we're not the only ones who think that Harry needs a Taylor Swift song. He thinks so too!

The One Directioner told US Weekly:

It would be hypocritical for me to say she couldn't do it because everybody writes songs based on personal experience. I can't say I'd have dated someone less famous to avoid it. At least she's a great songwriter!

Sounds like he's just waiting with bated breath for his damn song, amiright? You can't blame him. All these other dudes get songs. He needs his own stinkin' breakup song! And then for Taylor to sing it to him at the VMAs! This is what the world needs NOW!

I kind of wonder what a Harry ditty would sound like. Maybe sumpthin' like:

I remember making out

In Times Square

On New Year's Eve

With your hair ...

It was cold

But you kept me warm

In Times Square

You were so horn (y)

Well, okay, I didn't say I was a songwriter! But if she said all that, we'd totally know who it was about, right? And then Harry would be happy. And all would be well.

Do you want to hear a song about Harry?

Image via PacificCoastNews

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10 Ways You Know You're Whipped

vrijdag 23 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Emily Abbate 3 hours ago

Relationships do funny things to your opinions. Like one second, you could absolutely despise Kanye West, and the next, when the person you're dating can't get enough of him, you find yourself boppin' along to his music while making dinner. Of course, that's a loose example. Oftentimes when you're committed, the things that bothered you before about the opposite sex aren't as big of a deal when it comes to your man. Oftentimes, you forget about certain things or habits that really matter to you because you have someone that really matters to you.

I'm talking dirty. I'm talking disgusting. I'm talking instances where you totally would have freaked out a few months back if you saw some stranger doing the same thing your lover is doing now. I hate to tell ya, girlfriend, but if you're not freaking out about some of these gross and highly annoying habits -- you're probably whipped.

Here, check out these 10 ways you know you're whipped:

1. Your man leaves the seat up; you say nothing: I don't know ANY woman who doesn't get a tad annoyed when her man leaves the seat up in the bathroom.

2. He digs for gold at the dinner table; you pretend you don't notice: I'm sorry, but the table is NO place for boogers. Pretending you don't notice that casual nose scratch is a red flag that you're head-over-heels.

3. You're the big joke: Whereas you used to shine every once in a while with your funny "jokes" (that probably weren't all that funny to begin with), now your significant other gets to rag on you all the time and you don't stop him. That cute arm-around-the-shoulder move he does afterward makes it all OK.

4. Upon waking up, you don't get angry when he turns on SportsCenter instead of Today: Instead, you look for your news on your iPad rather than listening to Kathie Lee and Hoda joke about the headlines while drinking wine. Same thing, sort of?

5. You find his mismatched clothing cute, not pathetic: The man is old enough to know that salmon pink doesn't match with aqua marine. For some crazy reason, though, you just aren't fazed.

6. You don't correct his horrible social media grammar: Oh god. Personally, the day that I keep my opinions to myself about my man's social media habits is a day I fear. Maybe that's just because I'm a writer.

7. You make excuses as to why him being late for date night is OK: For the record, it's not okay unless there's some real emergency. Last time I checked, catching the end of a baseball game before walking out the door didn't classify. Not flinching when he doesn't let you know he'll be 30 minutes late? Yeah, you're in deep.

8. You don't miss your friends even though you haven't seen them in three weeks: This is always a clear indication of whipped status. Who needs friends when you can have a late but unapologetic significant other?

9. You've allowed him to borrow your iPod ... for three weeks: It's one thing to let someone borrow your stuff. It's another to pretend you don't miss it while they're enjoying the benefits of the newest John Mayer album.

10. He smells and you don't tell him: You should tell him. Being polite under such crucial circumstances is not what he needs. He needs the truth. Never be too whipped to tell your man he has B.O.

Have you ever been whipped? How did you know?

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10 Signs You're Turning Into Your Mom

woensdag 21 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota

Is there any greater fear than that of turning into your parents? Especially after you BECOME a parent? If you're 32 or older, bad news. You're already there.

At least according to a new (entirely unscientific) survey, 32 is the age when moms turn into their mother. Phewww! I'm awfully close to 32 but not quite there.

Then again, I have stopped myself in my tracks with some of the momisms I swore I would NEVER say. So I guess it's really inevitable. It happens. You become your parents.

Not sure if you're there yet? Behold the signs:

1. You tell the kids you won't buy them candy because money doesn't grow on trees.

2. You can't name a single one of the songs your kids listen to; you just want them to TURN THAT RACKET DOWN.

3. You've found yourself running through the names of all your kids, pets, etc., before you actually get to the name of the kid you're speaking to.

4. You've threatened to turn the car around.

More From The Stir: 25 Fake Swears Parents Use in Front of the Kids

5. You see uneaten food on dinner plates as an affront to starving children in a third world country (and mention this daily).

6. You have no less than 12 responses to "it isn't fair."

7. You caved and put the "proud parent of" bumper sticker on your car. 

8. Your daughter wouldn't be caught DEAD borrowing your clothes.

9. You don't have to use words to communicate with your kids. You just give them "the look."

10. You no longer look fondly on your teenage antics. And you plan to ground your kid's sorry fanny if they even THINK about trying one of them.

Be honest ... have you become your parents yet?

Image by Jeanne Sager

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