3 Things to Tell Your Kids When You're Getting Divorced

donderdag 12 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Jenny Erikson 2 hours ago

The other day I made an offhand remark to a friend about something my soon-to-be-ex-husband had done that I found irritating, to put it mildly. Then I realized that my kiddos were right there with me, and overheard my gah I can’t believe he did that(!) comment.

I paused my conversation and launched into my go-to speech whenever something negative comes up about their dad or anything about our impending divorce. “Girls, this divorce is not your fault ...” I didn’t have a chance to finish as both my daughters rolled their eyes and interrupted, “... and you and Daddy both love us very much.”

Divorce with kids is rough, man, and trying to decide what to tell them, how much to tell them, when to tell them, etc., is no easy decision. Everyone has an opinion, and make no mistake, you will be judged for whatever you decide to do. Because of course you didn’t stay married ‘for the kids,’ so now you’re supposed to be an extra perfect parent. You know, to make up for your inability to stay married.

Anyway. You have the people that say you should be completely transparent and reveal the gory details. Then you have the people that think kids should be left completely unaware of what went down in the marriage to protect them and also it’s none of their business.

I think the best answer is somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. I think it is their business, in part, if for no other reason than Mommy and Daddy don’t live together or do that gross kissing thing anymore. They’re going to notice. That said, they really don’t need to know about my inner turmoil or what the straw that broke my marriage’s back was.

No matter how much or how little you decide to reveal to your kids about your divorce, there are three key things that you should tell them.

"This is not your fault." All kids have a tendency to self-blame, so repeat this one over and over. Don’t just say it, live it too. If your child hears, “If only your father had made dinner once in a while,” your child will hear, “If I hadn’t needed dinner, maybe my parents would still be married.”“We both love you very, very much.” Does this one even need an explanation? Even if your co-parent doesn’t act like it, you can use the old fallback of, “He just has a hard time showing it.”“Daddy is not a bad person/jerk/asshat.” Ok, so you don’t have to state this one specifically, but do refrain from name-calling. Your kids are half you and half your ex. If you resort to personal attacks, your kids won’t hear that their dad is a douche canoe; they’ll hear that they’re a douche canoe, because they are half of him. Then they might ask what douche means or, worse, look it up on the Internet, so really it’s better to just avoid the whole thing.

When you’ve done all that, then snuggle, hug, run, play, eat cookies together, and generally show them that they are wonderful little human beings capable of great joy. The best lesson you can teach by example to your kids after your split with their dad is that their happiness is not dependent on their parents’ marital status.

How much do you think kids need to know about their parents' divorce?

Image via Jenny Erikson

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jenny Erikson

is a conservative chick living in Southern California with her two daughters. She loves politics and hates laundry.

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Charlie Hunnam and Dakota Johnson Are Already Getting Rave Reviews for '50 Shades of Grey' (VIDEO)

woensdag 11 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Maressa Brown 15 hours ago

For Fifty Shades of Grey fans, the casting of Charlie Hunnam and Dakota Johnson as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele was either a rude awakening or a pleasurable surprise. Still, the backlash was what most of us heard loud and clear. Now, famous supporters of both actors are stepping up and arguing that Charlie and Dakota are truly perfect for the flick. Check out the video below for more on why it's time to throw our support behind the sexy duo ...

Please subscribe to CafeMom Studios to keep up with all our original content!

What do you think about all the praise being heaped on Charlie & Dakota?

Click the "Like" button below if you're a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Maressa Brown

has enjoyed reporting and writing for a variety of entertainment and women's magazines and websites. More often than not, you'll find her blogging, hitting the gym, reading, researching something on her iPhone, laughing, chatting at an above-"normal" volume, or getting her caffeine fix.

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Maci Bookout Isn't Getting Married for Her Kid's Sake

donderdag 22 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Nicole Fabian-Weber 2 hours ago

Things are going well for Teen Mom Maci Bookout and boyfriend Taylor McKinney right now. Actually, things are going so well for the couple that Maci is talking marriage. She hearts Taylor, and Taylor hearts her, so why not just take the plunge already?

Okay, so that's not exactly how Maci put it, but pretty close. Here's what she had to say about her lovah:

"He’s like the identical version of me, except he’s a guy. We’re looking for the same things in a marriage," Maci said in an interview with In Touch Weekly. She then talked about how she considered getting back with Ryan Edwards, the father of her adorable 4-year-old son, Bentley. But then she realized that was a bad idea. "I love Taylor, not Ryan," she said.

Good for Maci. If anyone deserves happiness, she does. And getting back with Ryan -- just because he's the father of her child -- would be a bad idea for all parties involved, especially Bentley.

It takes maturity to know that what might seem like a short-term "fix" for you and/or your child isn't always the path that should be followed. Maci and Ryan didn't work out for a reason. And if they gave things another go, things would only wind up being more painful -- especially for Bentley -- in the end. Bentley's parents should both be with people who make them happy. Because a happy parent is a good parent.

Now, come on, Taylor! Pop the Q already!

Would you like to see Maci and Taylor get married?

Image via Maci Bookout/Twitter

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My Paranoia About Getting Pregnant Is Causing Big Problems in the Bedroom

dinsdag 6 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by The Stir Bloggers 13 hours ago

Ever since the first time I had sex, I've been afraid. Not of the sex, please. Just like any other woman with a healthy libido -- I enjoy the sex. What I don't enjoy is what can happen because of sex. Nope, not a commitment-phobe. I am, however, frightened of becoming pregnant.

The answer to your question is yes. At some point or another, I'm going to want a child. At that point, when hopefully I'm married, financially stable, and prepared -- that child will be my everything. But now? For the past 10 years? No. I'm just not ready. Nowhere close.

The fear, it's cautionary and a little irrational. Despite being on the pill for years and years now, I rarely have unprotected sex. In a three-year relationship that ended not all that long ago, I could count those risque encounters on one hand.

And you know what? I think it's safe to say that my fear drives every single man I ever date insane. Who am I kidding? It's driving me insane, too.

Sex is an intimate thing. It's a close thing. At the end of the day: It's a big deal. It's frustrating, knowing that for so many people without this fear, getting hot and heavy is spontaneous. It's fun. It can be done anywhere, anytime, without a care in the world. For me, though, I do care. Even if STDs were non-existent, I get anxiety every time my partner and I do the deed without that extra protection. To be really frank with you: Pull out or stop. It's not just any anxiety, either. This anxiety prevents me from continuing on in my day-to-day life.

However, I'm human. In the moment, it's easy to say "screw it" (and me) and let's just go for it instead of hopping over to the drug store. So what results? The next morning, I immediately regret it. I think, Is this the time a pregnancy test will come out positive? I wonder when my last period was. When my next one should be. I wonder if I should get Plan B. I get mad at myself. Eventually later that week, I may buy a pregnancy test.

Is it bad that I'm this way? Yes and no. I've been in a relationship where my overcautious attitude annoyed my partner too much (read: he didn't want to use protection all the time) and we went our separate ways. I understand. I'm sure that it's easier to be with a woman who is on a birth control pill that she trusts and doesn't freak out after a spontaneous sexcapade. 

Still, I'd rather be too cautious. The right man and partner won't get angry with me about my mentality. I'd like to stick with the attitude that if my companion can't accept that I'm trying to do us both a favor, he and I don't need to have an intimate relationship in the first place.

Can you relate?

Image via plaits/Flickr

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My Paranoia About Getting Pregnant Is Causing Big Problems in the Bedroom

maandag 5 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by The Stir Bloggers 4 hours ago

Ever since the first time I had sex, I've been afraid. Not of the sex, please. Just like any other woman with a healthy libido -- I enjoy the sex. What I don't enjoy is what can happen because of sex. Nope, not a commitment-phobe. I am, however, frightened of becoming pregnant.

The answer to your question is yes. At some point or another, I'm going to want a child. At that point, when hopefully I'm married, financially stable, and prepared -- that child will be my everything. But now? For the past 10 years? No. I'm just not ready. Nowhere close.

The fear, it's cautionary and a little irrational. Despite being on the pill for years and years now, I rarely have unprotected sex. In a three-year relationship that ended not all that long ago, I could count those risque encounters on one hand.

And you know what? I think it's safe to say that my fear drives every single man I ever date insane. Who am I kidding? It's driving me insane, too.

Sex is an intimate thing. It's a close thing. At the end of the day: It's a big deal. It's frustrating, knowing that for so many people without this fear, getting hot and heavy is spontaneous. It's fun. It can be done anywhere, anytime, without a care in the world. For me, though, I do care. Even if STDs were non-existent, I get anxiety every time my partner and I do the deed without that extra protection. To be really frank with you: Pull out or stop. It's not just any anxiety, either. This anxiety prevents me from continuing on in my day-to-day life.

However, I'm human. In the moment, it's easy to say "screw it" (and me) and let's just go for it instead of hopping over to the drug store. So what results? The next morning, I immediately regret it. I think, Is this the time a pregnancy test will come out positive? I wonder when my last period was. When my next one should be. I wonder if I should get Plan B. I get mad at myself. Eventually later that week, I may buy a pregnancy test.

Is it bad that I'm this way? Yes and no. I've been in a relationship where my overcautious attitude annoyed my partner too much (read: he didn't want to use protection all the time) and we went our separate ways. I understand. I'm sure that it's easier to be with a woman who is on a birth control pill that she trusts and doesn't freak out after a spontaneous sexcapade. 

Still, I'd rather be too cautious. The right man and partner won't get angry with me about my mentality. I'd like to stick with the attitude that if my companion can't accept that I'm trying to do us both a favor, he and I don't need to have an intimate relationship in the first place.

Can you relate?

Image via plaits/Flickr

?

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