10 Signs You're Turning Into Your Mom

woensdag 21 augustus 2013

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Is there any greater fear than that of turning into your parents? Especially after you BECOME a parent? If you're 32 or older, bad news. You're already there.

At least according to a new (entirely unscientific) survey, 32 is the age when moms turn into their mother. Phewww! I'm awfully close to 32 but not quite there.

Then again, I have stopped myself in my tracks with some of the momisms I swore I would NEVER say. So I guess it's really inevitable. It happens. You become your parents.

Not sure if you're there yet? Behold the signs:

1. You tell the kids you won't buy them candy because money doesn't grow on trees.

2. You can't name a single one of the songs your kids listen to; you just want them to TURN THAT RACKET DOWN.

3. You've found yourself running through the names of all your kids, pets, etc., before you actually get to the name of the kid you're speaking to.

4. You've threatened to turn the car around.

More From The Stir: 25 Fake Swears Parents Use in Front of the Kids

5. You see uneaten food on dinner plates as an affront to starving children in a third world country (and mention this daily).

6. You have no less than 12 responses to "it isn't fair."

7. You caved and put the "proud parent of" bumper sticker on your car. 

8. Your daughter wouldn't be caught DEAD borrowing your clothes.

9. You don't have to use words to communicate with your kids. You just give them "the look."

10. You no longer look fondly on your teenage antics. And you plan to ground your kid's sorry fanny if they even THINK about trying one of them.

Be honest ... have you become your parents yet?

Image by Jeanne Sager

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10 Signs Your Man Is 'Gaslighting' You to Make You Seem Crazy

dinsdag 6 augustus 2013

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Have you ever felt like you were going crazy? And not because anyone has 5150'd you. But because someone -- maybe it's your husband -- keeps telling you you're crazy. "Are you crazy?" you hear over and over. "You are really paranoid. You need to get your head checked!" Hear that enough times and you probably believe it. But are you really crazy or are you being gaslighted?

"Gaslighted" is an psychiatric term that came from a classic movie starring Ingrid Bergman called Gaslight (which was a British play before that). In it, her husband tries to drive her mad. (Netflix it.) But it turns out she's not crazy after all -- her husband is just trying to make her think she is. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse wherein your partner manipulates your perception of reality. Here's 10 signs you're being gaslighted.

1. You're told something is normal that you can feel deep in your bones is not. Say your husband (or partner or boyfriend or even friend) does something you find strange. Like ask you to lie for him. You don't think this is right. You say so. He comes back with something like, "Every wife would do this. We're a team. I'm in trouble and I need you. I can't believe you don't think that this is normal. There is something wrong with you!"

2. You're told you are paranoid, too sensitive, or stressed out. Again, something strange happens. Your husband is seen out with a woman you don't know. You ask him about it. He has some vague explanation but then tops it off with, "Really, honey, you are totally paranoid to think I'd be cheating on you. Are you hormonal? Maybe you need to see a therapist."

3. You start to exhibit "crazy" behavior. You find yourself doing things that you couldn't imagine doing before you were with your man. Like questioning every time he goes out; accusing him of things that may or may not be true; going through the garbage to find "evidence" that he's lying to you again. You may find yourself desperately scouring the aisles of a grocery store, determined to get the right kind of pasta sauce so you don't "disappoint" him again, and end up having a meltdown when you find they're out of Classico.

4. You mistrust your perceptions. You're constantly being told that what you're seeing, hearing, feeling isn't what you're seeing, hearing, feeling. You tell a joke at a party and everyone laughs, but your husband later tells you you weren't funny. You look in the mirror and see someone who is thin, but he tells you you've gained weight. You've always thought you were smart, but somehow with your husband, you always feel dumb.

5. You begin to accept his perceptions, even though they don't seem true. You were at a restaurant with your husband and struck up a quick conversation with the waiter. Your husband tells you were being flirtacious. "Was I being flirtacious?" you ask yourself, even though that wasn't your intention at all. "I must have been and don't realize it." You ask what you think is a reasonable question only to be told you are harping. "Am I harping?" you think. "Maybe I am a nag."

6. You start to feel like your memory is terrible. Your husband is always saying something to the effect of, "I never said that, did that, promised that," to things you're pretty certain he said, did, or promised. He might tell you that he "never" gets on Facebook, but when you see him on Facebook and mention it, he says, "I didn't say I never went on Facebook. I just hardly go on it." Then you see him on it the next day. And the next.

7. You start to feel like your spouse has a terrible memory. You can have a deep conversation one night about something important to you, only to have your spouse say later, "We never talked about that," "I definitely never said that," or "Did you dream this?" You might get tempted to record conversations just so you can keep them straight.

8. You start lying. In order to avoid all of the mental abuse you'll know you'll get if you say a, b, or c, you start to lie. You were never a liar in the past. You don't lie to other people.

9. You begin to think you're crazy. You have thoughts like, "Maybe he's right and I'm just totally overreacting. I am always overreacting," or "There must be something wrong with me that I'm always on him about stupid things."

10. Depression. The end stage of being gaslighted is that you feel depressed, anxious, unsure, and hopeless. Does he care or not care? Are you oversensitive or do you have a right to complain? You end up getting so confused and disoriented that you check out into depression.

Every couple has miscommunications, and everyone hears or sees things sometimes that they misconstrue, but if you are frequently experiencing the above symptoms, you are likely being gaslighted.

Do you ever feel like this?

Image via iStock

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8 Signs You're Married to a Narcissist

donderdag 1 augustus 2013

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by Kiri Blakeley 2 hours ago

Narcissists are all over the news lately. There's Anthony Weiner, who seems to think it's no one's business but his own (and maybe his wife's -- at least when she finds out about it) that he chronically sexts random young women. Never mind that he wants to, you know, run the biggest city in the country. There's Ariel Castro. Who seems to believe that he had every right to nab three women off the street and hold them captive for 10 years because he had sexual needs to fulfill. The narcissist is all about himself. Not all of them bring it to the extreme that Weiner and Castro do -- many classic narcissists are upstanding, successful members of society. Experts say that most people on Wall Street are narcissists. No surprise there. But could you be married to one? And what could this mean for you? Here are 8 clues that you're married to a narcissist.

1. Narcissists put themselves above everything else. Can't afford a new sports car? Doesn't matter if the narcissist wants it -- even if that means not letting your kid go to summer camp or get a tutor. What the narcissist wants reigns supreme. Does the narcissist want to meet an old girlfriend for dinner? Then he has every right to. You don't control him! If you're with a narcissist, you will continually find that your time, money, schedule, and energy revolve around his wants and needs.

2. Putting you down. As paradoxical as it seems, narcissists are obsessed with themselves but actually very insecure. So in order to puff themselves up, they have to put you down. It can be anything from telling you flat-out how stupid and incompetent you are to subtle put-downs that you may hardly even notice at first, something like, "That color only looks good on thin people."

3. Dysfunctional family. Almost all narcissists come from broken or dysfunctional homes. Their narcissism was a needed survival mechanism at the time. Now he can't get out of it -- and probably doesn't see any reason to.

4. Scared of feelings. Narcissists don't like talking or even thinking about feelings. They often won't admit that they're angry, even if they are throwing things against the walls. If something traumatic happens, they'll deny they are sad about it.

5. Idol worship. Narcissists often have people they worship, who can do no wrong. Usually it's a boss or mentor or someone else they see as successful. Narcissists are often obsessed with professional success. If the narcissist's idol ever shows a flaw, the narcissist is outraged.

6. Self-aggrandizing. Narcissists can do it all -- put together a PowerPoint presentation whilst skiing down a snowy mountain and whipping up a five-course meal all while closing a massive real estate deal. At least according to them.

7. Gifted liar. Narcissists frequently lie -- about both big and small things. You may not catch them for years because they are good at justifying themselves and coming up with excuses. After you've caught a narcissist in a lie, even a huge one, it's not unusual for YOU to somehow end up being the one who apologizes.

8. You feel like utter crap. If you generally feel duped, put upon, tricked, manipulated, lied to, criticized, belittled, worthless, and humiliated in your relationship -- then chances are you are with a narcissist.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist?

Image via iStock

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15 Signs You're Dangerously Addicted to Men

woensdag 24 juli 2013

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Are you addicted to a man or men? When we think of addiction, we don't generally think in terms of relationships, but an addiction can apply to any activity you continue to engage in despite severely negative physical or emotional consequences. People can get addicted to pretty much anything. And if it means you are using the addiction, whether it be to working out, texting, Facebooking, watching sports, or doing drugs -- to either avoid your feelings or to fill an emptiness inside -- it's not good. A relationship can give you a "high" just like a drug can, and yes, you can get addicted to relationships. If that relationship is a good, healthy one, it's not so bad to be consumed by it (though healthy people generally do not get "consumed" by one thing). But if it's a toxic relationship that leads to stress, obsession, or physical or emotional harm, then you really want to take a good, hard look at what is going on. Here are 15 signs you're a manaholic.

1. You feel "empty," "out of sorts," "restless," or otherwise "off" if you are not with your man or not in a relationship.

2. You need to be with your man, despite feeling worse when you're with him than without him.

3. You overeat, drink alcohol, or take prescription medication to deal with the stress of your relationship. You may even overengage in normally healthy activities like running or doing yoga to avoid thinking about your relationship or "getting away" from it.

4. You often have thoughts like "I should leave" or "I should divorce him" or "This relationship isn't good" but can't seem to do any actions that might upset the relationship.

5. You pity or look down on single women or think something like, "I may be unhappy but thank god I'm not single."

6. The idea of being single frightens or depresses you.

7. You are constantly making excuses for his behavior by saying things like, "He's not usually like this," or "He's been under a lot of stress lately," or "He had a bad childhood."

8. You are convinced you can change him if you only do a, b, or c. Or d, e, f!

9. You think keeping your marriage together is more important than being at peace, being content, being happy, or standing your ground on issues that are important to you.

10. You think once you meet that "magic man" or make your man into what you want, then you will be happy.

11. You look to men or your man to make you happy. You think that no one is happy without a relationship.

12. You equate being with a man to being "successful" in life. If you break up or get divorced, you feel you've "failed."

13. You have physical problems like high blood pressure, heart palpitations, skin rashes, exhaustion, or other stress-related health issues that weren't there before you got involved with your man.

14. You are constantly trying to manage/control him and his behavior. You are determined to make sure he gets a job, doesn't cheat again, stays off the computer, stops contacting his ex, stops drinking, gets therapy, or manages his money better.

15. You can't have a conversation without saying, "He said ... " "He did ..." "He thinks ..." etc.

There are lots of other symptoms where this came from, and if even one applies to you, I suggest you get some help in the form of a therapist who specializes in relationship addiction. You could also read the book Women Who Love Too Much.

Are you a man addict?

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