Pastor May Lose His Job for Being a Really Good Parent

dinsdag 24 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Nicole Fabian-Weber 1 hour ago

Rev. Frank Schaefer, a pastor in South Lebanon, Pennsylvania, is about to go on trial before the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference of the United Methodist Church -- all because he officiated his son's wedding six years ago. What's wrong with a pastor officiating his son's wedding? Ah, well, you see, Rev. Schaefer's son happens to be gay, and his wedding was to -- gasp! -- someone of the same sex.

The trial is set to begin on November 18, and if things go really bad, he could be stripped of his ministerial credentials and out of a job. Schaefer says that he knew when he made the decision to officiate his child's wedding, it could lead to trouble, but it was a no-brainer. "The love for my son took over the fear of losing my job with the United Methodist Church," Schaefer said. "It was a tough decision in some sense, but I just knew I had to make it. I had to follow my heart."

Beautiful. And also ... horrible. How could a church put a man on trial for loving his son? For putting his kid's needs before his own? Isn't that what being a parent, and being a good person, is all about? Selflessness? Kindness? Love?

The fact that a good person like Schaefer could be out of a job for deciding to stand by his child is sickening and, quite honestly, something that seems like it dates back to the 1800s. There ought to be more pastors like him, not less. This is a man who decided to deviate from the archaic, group thinking in order to put what's right and, more importantly, love first. People should look to him as an example, not as someone who did something wrong. 

Hopefully, Rev. Schaefer won't lose his job, because it sounds like the church needs him more than he needs it. And if he does, I'm sure he has faith that things will work out. At least he can rest easy knowing he has his family's love.

What do you think of this?

Image via Phil Whitehouse/Flickr

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Learning More About My Cultural History Will Make Me a Better Parent

dinsdag 17 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Kristen Chase 2 hours ago in Healthy Living

Even though I'm half Chinese, I was pretty much raised White. That means I really don't know too much about my Asian heritage.

No, I don't speak Chinese. I can't read Kanji. And I don't know how to cook Asian foods other than fried rice and egg rolls.

But it's not just the tangible things I wish I had more of in my life, not just for my own edification but so that I can pass something, anything, down to my kids.

My mother grew up in the post-World War II late '50s when it was not good to be an Asian in the United States because of Pearl Harbor, so she was forced to Americanize herself. That meant she lost how to speak Chinese once she went to public school. And any part of her culture, like the food, the customs, she pushed aside in order to fit in and be better accepted.

Even as multiculturalism became more accepted in the late '70s and early '80s, she had all but lost a lot of her culture, which meant we were exposed to very little. Other than visits with my Chinese grandparents and the few meals my mom knew how to cook, I would never have known that I was an Asian American.

Now that I have my own kids, I really long to show them that side of my history. They're only a quarter Asian but it's still part of who they are even though two of my kids are blonde! Actually, I feel even more strongly that they know because they don't look Asian.

I wish I knew all the stories of how my grandmother was brought over from China as part of an arranged marriage with my American-born grandfather to tell them. I long to tell them about my great-grandfather who was the first American-born Chinese person in Washington, DC.

I think. See, I'm not even completely sure why he would get birthday cards from the President of the United States.

But instead of wishing, I've decided to do a little digging on my own so that my kids don't feel like I do now. My cousin has done an extensive historical search of our family online and has discovered some amazing artifacts and stories that I hope to learn more about. I'm going to begin celebrating Chinese New Year with my kids and share with them the meaning it has for my family. 

I'm sad that it took me so long to wonder about my past so that I can share it with my future. If "it's better late than never" ever applied to anything, I'm using it now. Here's hoping you feel motivated to do the same for yourself and your own kids.

Do you know your own cultural history?

Image via Scazon/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kristen Chase

is a writer, sex book author, and mom of four. She has absolutely no hobbies, unless you count obsessing over Ryan Reynolds, cleaning Sharpie off the walls, and Twitter. 

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Couple Divorces and Splits Up Their Twin Babies in Real Life 'Parent Trap'

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AppId is over the quota
by Mary Fischer 16 hours ago

When I first heard that dads David Tutera and Ryan Jurica are raising their twin babies separately after their divorce, I couldn't help but get a bit of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Celebrity event planner David and his ex Ryan welcomed the twins via a surrogate -- but they decided to end their relationship very soon after the embryo transfer was complete. David admits that they never even talked about keeping the babies together. Instead, David has custody of his biological daughter, Cielo, and is raising her in California, while Ryan is bringing up her brother who is his biological child, Cedric, all the way across the country in Connecticut.

And even though David says he and his ex want to make sure their babies have a relationship -- it's hard to understand why on earth they would choose to separate a brother and sister who deserve to grow up together, especially considering they shared a womb for nine months. How could they bring themselves to pull them apart like that?

I know they live on opposite coasts and all, but couldn't they have worked out some sort of custody arrangement where they each had the babies for six months out of the year or something like that? Sure, it would be tough for them to go back and forth between parents -- but isn't it worse that they will never really know each other, or at least they won't have the opportunity of experiencing a real sibling relationship?

This is basically like a real life version of The Parent Trap, and if you ask me, these men are being incredibly selfish and immature. When you become a parent, you have to realize that your priorities change overnight -- and it's not all about you anymore. The happiness and well being of your children HAVE to come first, even if the resulting situation is less than ideal for you.

This arrangement would be horrible enough if these children were a regular brother and sister, but the fact that they're twins makes it even harder to accept. Twins share such a deep, special bond. David and Ryan are nuts if they think the babies won't sense that there is something missing in their lives as they get older. And their little plan could really wind up hurting them more than their divorce ever did, because there is a very good chance the twins will resent them when they grow up. I mean, their own fathers deliberately tore them apart and took away their opportunity to share their lives, which could be a pretty hard thing to forgive down the line.

Hopefully once the dust settles a bit more on their split, they'll come to their senses and work out a way to ensure that these children truly get to know each other as brother and sister -- because that's the only way it should be. And if they don't? Then they should probably prepare themselves for the therapy bills they're going to have to pay for when their kids start having issues later in life.

Are you outraged over what these dads have done?

Image via Cyron/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Mary Fischer

is the writer behind The Mommyologist, and the mom of a future famous comedian. Her current loves include Pinot Grigio on ice and Harry Styles -- in that order.

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11 Heartwarming Military Parent Homecomings Guaranteed to Put a Smile on Your Face (PHOTOS)

woensdag 28 augustus 2013

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by Jeanne Sager 1 hour ago

Confession. Whenever I'm feeling really down, I will pull up a military homecoming video. Daddies and little girls, mommies and sons ... these awesome welcomes for the people who are out there serving our country never fail to make me smile.

Can anything top the look a little girl gets on her face when she hasn't seen her daddy in months? Or a little boy gets when he sees Mom after a year?

The reunion of a child and a parent carries with it so much emotion and so much hope.

I know I miss my daughter when I send her to school for a day or when I go on a business trip for a few. Now multiply that by weeks and months for servicemen and women and the families they leave behind.

That's true sacrifice. 

But as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder -- and the love that you can see on the faces of these returning heroes is only topped by the pure joy on the faces of their kids.

Need a pick-me-up? How about checking out some of the most beautiful expressions of love on earth ... photos of kids getting their Mommy or Daddy back!

Which one is your favorite?

Image via Official US Navy Page/Flickr

var UGC_HOST = "http://ugc-01.cafemomstatic.com";var current_slide_num = 0;var slideshow_url = "http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/160361/11_heartwarming_military_parent_homecomings";var short_url = "/big_kid/160361/11_heartwarming_military_parent_homecomings";var slide_id = "";var from_social = "";var current_slide_id = '109693'; There's no love like that of a daddy for her little girl, and this member of the... VIEW MORE

Image via The U.S. Army/Flickr

There's no love like that of a daddy for her little girl, and this member of the 1st Brigade Combat Team “Ironhorse,” 1st Cavalry Division got the biggest hug of his life when his brigade returned from a year combined tour in Iraq and Kuwait in June.

Click "Like" if you love someone in the military! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeanne Sager

writes articles for The Stir by day, slays closet monsters and bounds through bedtime stories with her elementary schooler by night. The Phineas and Ferb soundtrack reverberates through her brain.

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When Strangers 'Parent' Your Kids in Public: Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down?

dinsdag 20 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota

When do you step in to help another parent? The question can be tricky even when that parent is your best friend. But what if it's a perfect stranger? I'm faced with this question virtually every day as I navigate the streets of my Brooklyn neighborhood, which is packed to the rafters with children. I swear there are more children in my neighborhood than adults. Every single day I see hoards of children with their parents -- on their way to school, the subway, or one of the local playgrounds. That means I see a lot of different parenting dynamics. Yeah, I see parents yelling at their kids ... but this is Brooklyn. These kids are pretty coddled. The yelling is rare, and when it happens, it's deserved. Like the mom I just saw admonishing her kid who didn't look before he crossed the street on his bike. But then there are other times ... I wonder if I should step in. And help?

As a city person, I've helped loads of parents with their kids in the subway. I've held doors, offered my seat, and carried the backs of strollers up stairs. But there is something about offering your help in the middle of the street that strikes a different chord. Is it even wanted? Sometimes, it's necessary.

There was the time I saw a little kid, probably about 3, suddenly take off from what looked like his grandfather. The kid began hoofing it down the street like a monster was on his tail. The grandfather (or, this being Brooklyn, it could have been a very old father) tried to run after him, but his stamina sputtered out and he ground to a halt. He just stood there yelling for the kid, who kept running.

I saw that the kid, within a minute or so, was going to hit the end of the sidewalk. We are surrounded by very busy streets. He was in danger of being hit by a car.

So I took off. He had quite a headstart on me, but I took off like there was a jet propeller on my back. I finally caught up to him and blocked him with my body as he was about to dash across the street. But I also thought, "I'm confronting a strange child right now. Will the grandfather appreciate it? Will this be misinterpreted somehow?"

The grandfather caught up to us soon after and took the kid away. To be honest, I don't even remember a thank you.

Then there was the time I spotted a mom with two kids. One kid was about 5 years old, and there was a smaller child in a stroller. The older kid was having one hell of a meltdown. First, he screamed and kicked his mother, who remained admirably calm. Then he sat in the middle of the sidewalk.

And he refused ... to ... move.

Her threats did not work. Her cajoling did not work. He was too big and ornery to pick up, and besides that, she was also pushing a stroller.

She tried walking away, thinking that would scare him into coming after her. But it didn't.

I was walking by, but caught the entire scene, and kept thinking, "Do I offer to help?"

But what would I do exactly? Surely the kid wouldn't listen to me either. I thought maybe I could push the kid in the stroller while she wrangled the little demon.

Would she want a stranger pushing her stroller? (This is the city, remember, even if crime rates are at an all-time low.)

Would this be insinuating she couldn't handle her own children?

I finally went to the store and the whole time I thought, "If she is still there when I come back, I will offer to help."

But when I came out, she was gone. She'd obviously managed to get the kid to walk.

I still feel guilty I didn't help.

Frankly, I think we should all offer to help each other. We don't have to. But wouldn't it be nice?

Do you want strangers helping with your kids?

Image via MicahSittig/Flickr

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Baby Dies After Eating Laundry Pod: What Every Parent Should Know

zaterdag 17 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 23 hours ago

Remember the two-year-old who was rushed to the hospital and put on a ventilator after swallowing one of those single-use laundry detergent pods -- which he mistook for a piece of candy? It happens all too often, and sometimes it's fatal. A seven-month-old baby died after eating a laundry pod. His mother had set down a container of the pods in a laundry basket on the same bed where her son was sleeping and left the room just for a few minutes. But by the time she came back he had already eaten one and was eating another. He died later in the hospital.

So far in 2013 there have been 5,000 incidents of children eating laundry pods. This is the first death. But every time I turn around, another laundry detergent maker has introduced another line of those pods. Here are some new laundry safety tips every parent should be aware of.

1. Keep all laundry detergent, pods or not, far out of reach of children at all times. They shouldn't even be able to climb up to where you keep them. Don't allow small children to help with the laundry by using the pods.

2. If you use pods, keep them in an opaque container so children can't even see them. The clear containers they often come in look like candy containers, and can help lure children.

3. Some manufacturers are selling pods in opaque containers -- yay! Always use this container for the pods, and only the pods. Always return it to its place with the lid firmly closed after use.

4. Avoid leaving children alone anywhere near laundry facilities or even just the detergent.

5. Keep the phone number for your local poison control center handy. You can look up that number on the American Association of Poison Control Centers Website.

6. If somehow your child does ingest any part of a laundry pod, try to get them to drink a glass of milk while you call your local poison control center, or 800-222-1222, or your doctor immediately. Do NOT induce vomiting.

7. If your child gets detergent on their hands, rinse thoroughly immediately.

Last year concerned parents posted a petition for the Consumer Product Safety Commission to investigate the safety of laundry detergent pods. Alas, it only got 17 signatures. But with 5,000 new incidents and now this death, I'm wondering if it's time to revive that petition. In March the U.S. CPSC sent a warning to parents about using laundry pods.

Do you use laundry detergent pods?

Image via US CSPS/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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10 Things Never to Say to a Co-Sleeping Parent

woensdag 14 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 12 hours ago

I wasn't going to co-sleep with my baby. I thought it was weird and barbaric. But then my anthropologist friends talked me into it. (Yes, of course, it's always the anthropologists.) They went over all the reasons why it makes perfect sense, from the security it gives your infant to the way it bonds the whole family together. And then, when my son was born, I couldn't stand to be parted from him anyway. Co-sleeping just made sense to me.

I get that it's not for everyone. But man, people who don't get it really don't get it. Can you please spare us your judgment? Here are 10 annoying things you should never say to a co-sleeping parent.

1. Isn't that illegal? No, actually. It's not.

2. How do you not roll over your baby? Surprisingly, I don't go to bed drunk or on drugs. Also, you actually do have a physical sense of where your baby is, even when you're asleep.

3. I know someone who knows someone who knows someone whose baby died from co-sleeping. Okay.

4. How do you have sex? 1. Don't worry, sex happens. 2. You don't need to know the details. Do I ask about your sex life?

5. You'll never get that kid out of your bed. Yes, actually, I did. It's not easy, but when the time comes, you really can get your kid to sleep in their own bed.

6. That's kind of creepy and incestuous. Oh, and leaving your baby to sleep ALONE in a separate room is so humane?

7. I don't see how you can get any sleep that way. It's extremely cozy. In fact, I slept great because I never had to get up in the middle of the night. If my baby woke, I just nursed him quietly and quickly went back to sleep.

8. You'll spoil your kids. You can't spoil a baby. How many times do we have to say it?

9. Babies need to be sleep trained. Actually, they don't. You can not sleep train your baby and they'll still grow up to be a fully functional, independent adult.

10. That's just weird. I think you're weird! Okay, sorry, that was immature. I'll put it this way -- more people co-sleep either deliberately or accidentally than you'd think. It's pretty common.

Did I miss anything?

Image via Karen Sheets de Gracia/Flickr

Click the "Like" button below to get Natural Parenting stories on Facebook. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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Usher's Son Almost Drowns in Accident That Could've Happened to Any Parent

dinsdag 6 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Emily Abbate 2 hours ago

It's so many parents' biggest summer nightmare: Your child is being watched by someone else, playing in a pool, something unexpected happens, and they end up in the hospital. For Usher, this became a reality yesterday. Usher's son, Usher Raymond V, is currently at an Atlanta hospital in the ICU after a very serious, scary incident in the pool Monday.

According to TMZ, Usher Raymond V was enjoying some pool time with his aunt when he saw a toy in the drain, dove down to try to snag it, and got stuck. Both his aunt and the maid tried to rescue him but were unsuccessful. Luckily, two men working inside the house heard their screams and were able to jump in and free the 5-year-old. After he was given CPR, the poor little boy was rushed to the hospital with his dad (who arrived soon after the incident) by his side.

Thankfully, doctors say that Usher Raymond V is going to be just fine. I can only imagine how his father's feeling right about now.

Hands down, this is something that can happen in any family. While summer is about having fun, splashing around, and enjoying time with loved ones -- it's important to be safe and aware. Plain and simple: There's no such thing as being too careful. Especially when it comes to swimming, too. Usher Raymond V is very lucky his aunt was paying close attention.

With all this said, it's important that Usher doesn't get too down on himself about the whole thing. What's done is done. It's no one's fault. It was 100 percent an accident, and his son is going to be just fine. All they can do now as a family is make sure to open up a constructive dialogue. Talk about pool safety. Talk about other potential dangerous situations. As a father, it's Usher's responsibility to educate his kiddos of the dos and don'ts. A responsibility I'm sure he hasn't taken lightly in the past and most definitely won't in the future.

Are you happy to hear Usher's son's going to be just fine? Have you or anyone you know ever dealt with a similar situation?

Image via Chris McKay/Getty Images

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