10 Jobs You Didn't Know You Signed Up For When You Became a Mom

zaterdag 31 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota

Before my daughter was born, I spent a lot of time reading up on how to get "prepared" for motherhood. Brush up on diapering skills? Check. Learn AAP recommendations on back to sleep? Check. And on and on it went. But for all the duties the parenting books prepare you for, there are hundreds they leave out of the mom job description. 

Ah, didn't know there WAS a mom job description, did you? Because motherhood isn't a job? It's true. Motherhood is not a job.

It's dozens of them! Just take a look at the jobs I have become pretty darn adept at in the 8 years since my kid was born ...

1. Detective. So the NYPD isn't exactly knocking on my door, begging to hire me, but I'm busy anyway ... I'm solving the mystery of a missing left shoe.

2. Sandwich artist. Yes, that's what the people at Subway call themselves, and ya know what? If I can manage to get four perfectly equal triangles with no jelly oozing out the sides, I think I can slap squares of cheese on bread.

3. Cosmetologist. Why didn't anyone tell me I was going to have to learn French braiding and hair de-knotting when I became a mother?

4. Biologist. What is that growing in the bottom of the toybox? Wait, is that an abandoned peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Or was that ham?

5. Pediatrician. I'm not saying I'm board certified or anything, but I've gotten pretty darn good at telling a real cough from an "I don't want to go to school today because we have a math test" cough.

6. Seamstress. Let's just say that if you ever plan on getting a puppy, you buy a giant storage unit and move ALL of your child's most beloved toys into it first ... that is unless you like spending your Friday nights with a needle and thread making repairs?

7. Security specialist. I have done the reconnaissance and ensured that the closet is secure. There are no monsters in there.

8. Doorman. She goes out, I get up and close the door. She comes in, I get up and close the door. There's also a bit of yelling out the window or up the stairs to "close the darn door," but this one still seems to be in my area of expertise. 

9. Mechanic. Maybe I can't fix MY car, but I've become adept at tire balancing and door repair on Barbie's car.

10. Dental hygenist. Ever brushed the teeth of someone who was trying to make a break for it? I have.

What jobs have YOU become a master at since you became a mom?

Image by Jeanne Sager

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Greedy Brides Still Angry at Guests Who Didn't Give Them Wedding Gifts 10 Years Ago

maandag 26 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Sasha Brown-Worsham 7 hours ago

It seems as though there is a trend lately of badly behaved brides who expect their wedding guests to provide them with at least the cost of their meal (and then some) at their weddings or to be prepared to face their wrath. First there was the bride who did not enjoy her guest's thoughtful gift basket (and she let them know) and then there was the bride who had the nerve to complain about a cash-strapped guest's "cheap" $100 cash gift. What is wrong with these people?

It seems these rude brides are not alone. An article in the Sunday styles section of the New York Times highlighted a series of brides and grooms, some of whom have been married close to a decade, who are STILL angry over their wedding gifts -- or lack thereof -- and can't forgive the friends who cheated them.

Are they out of their minds? How is this a news story?

When I got married a decade ago, we registered and we got a lot of beautiful, generous gifts. We still use our copper pots and crystal, among other things and when I do, I remember the people who bought each item for me and I appreciate them.

But I also remember the fun of my wedding and the number of people who trekked all the way across the country to see us get married and gave us a ton of love. Whether they gave me gifts or not is really beside the point. I was just glad they were there.

I am not sure when weddings became opportunities to be completely greedy, but it does seem as though they really have. Obviously, weddings are expensive, but if you choose to have a $200 a plate wedding in a part of the country that is very expensive, then that is your choice.

Guests should not be expected to make their gift according to the budget of the bride. A gift is an expression of love and should reflect the budget of the guest. And you know what? A gift is not mandatory, either. There are plenty of circumstances under which it is perfectly acceptable not to bring a gift.

If someone spends more than $2,000 to come to your wedding (hotel, airfare, etc.) then really to ALSO expect a gift is a little selfish. If they can provide one, awesome. But if not, wouldn't we all rather have our loved ones present?

It is sad that we are letting go of all the beauty of weddings in favor of viewing them as fund-raising opportunities. They are not. We are lucky when people come to love us at all. It makes me sad that so few people remember that.

Did you expect a gift from everyone at your wedding?

Image via torbakhopper /Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sasha Brown-Worsham

can't decide whether she is a mother, writer, or runner, but is usually all three at some point each day. She has written for dozens of print magazines, newspapers, and websites. She rarely ever writes on bathroom walls.

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I Suffered From Postpartum Depression and Didn't Even Know It

woensdag 14 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota

It wasn't until after my fourth child was a toddler that I realized I had experienced Postpartum Depression (PPD) after the birth of each of my children.

I'm a smart person. I read all the books and knew all the signs. Or so I thought.

Looking back now, I wish I had done something more than just assume what I was feeling was "the baby blues." You know, I thought it was normal to cry at the drop of a hat and feel anxious about leaving the house.

So not normal at all.

I'm pretty sure if I had known more, I would have gotten help. And maybe those early months would have been better, for me and my family.

Many new moms (and their partners) are aware of some of the symptoms of PPD. But there are lots of other symptoms that are not as widely known. Add in the talk about the "baby blues" and it can all be misinterpreted by these new moms and their spouses. In other words, there are too many women out there who are not getting the help they need.

I was definitely one of them.

As I've now since learned, a symptom of postpartum depression can be anxiety. In fact, it can even be the strongest and possibly the only symptom.

See, I would cry a bit at night and during the day, when my colicky baby wouldn't sleep, but because I never felt like harming myself or my baby, I figured I was just hormonal.

However, I was extremely anxious and frequently worried about going out in the car with her or leaving her with anyone. I'd have to have things a certain way or I'd freak out.

But because I'm an anxious person anyway, I suppose those feelings didn't really seem that unusual. And since I did a pretty decent job of coping with it on a regular basis, I figured I wasn't experiencing anything out of the ordinary and could just keep going the way I was.

Boy, was I wrong. The anxiety plus the exhaustion, hormones, and desperate attempts to be the best mom I could be, and it was pretty much disastrous.

Thankfully I was able to power through, but not without struggling every single day feeling like I was doing something wrong. That I wasn't a good enough mother to my children.

That I was somehow failing my baby.

Now that I know more about PPD and how it manifests differently for different women, I want to make sure other mothers know. I want them to feel comfortable reaching out to their friends, family, and doctor. And I want them to understand that if they're feeling like this, it's not just part of being a mom. You should get help and not feel bad about needing it. 

You'll be happier. Your partner will be happier. And your kids will be happier too.

Did you have PPD?

Image via kit4na/Flickr

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Rodeo Clown Wearing Obama Mask Didn’t Do Anything Illegal But Still Shamed America (VIDEO)

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AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 1 hour ago

You've heard about the Missouri rodeo clown who wore an Obama mask, right? Over the weekend at the Missouri State Fair, a clown wore a rubber Obama mask with a broom for a tail as an announcer asked over the PA system who wanted to see the president "run down by a bull." Photos and video popped up all over the Internet. And the Obama mask-wearing rodeo clown got a lifetime ban from the Missouri State Fair. We could call this story: How a rodeo clown embarrassed the state of Missouri.

But let me play Devil's advocate for a minute here. What's the big deal? Rodeo clowns have impersonated sitting presidents before, and the nation didn't go up in flames as a result. And what about free speech? What, we're going to start censoring rodeo clowns now? CLOWNS? Well nation, it's not quite that simple. Here's why I think this rodeo incident is such a big, messy problem.

Let's get the free speech argument out of the way, first. Yes, of course people have the right to spout off like assholes so long as they're not threatening anyone and it doesn't veer into hate speech or incite a mob. But this isn't about rights. This is about responsibility. The officials who banned the clown are responsible for maintaining a certain level of respectability. They are also partly responsible for Missouri's image -- and that state's image was definitely damaged by this event. And they're responsible for the tone set at their state fair.

We're living in the age of social media, so whatever people got away with in the past isn't necessarily going to fly now. Maybe 10 years ago you could've done this, and there would have been some local outrage. Now the outrage is worldwide, and Missouri's humiliation is that much greater.

Just because it's happened in the past doesn't make it acceptable. As Missouri state representative Steve Webb said, “Since I’ve been in the legislature, we’ve seen a lot of things with a lot of racial undertones. But nothing’s ever done about it. There has to be consequences at some point.”

And that tone? Some witnesses said they felt like they were at a Klu Klux Klan rally. (That not EVERYONE felt that way doesn't invalidate the feelings of the people who did.) Things got ... creepy. Another rodeo clown reportedly bobbled the lips of the Obama clown, which is a pretty blatant racist gesture. I doubt there were any racist gestures or sentiments expressed when that same rodeo clown impersonated President George Bush nearly a decade ago. And that matters. It's one thing to mock a president. It's another thing to denigrate an entire group of people by mocking a president. Get the difference?

Basically, this rodeo clown brought out the worst in the crowd. Whatever racist feelings people were harboring were given free reign because it's not really the president, we're just joking around here, it's not real. You don't have to be the one wearing a mask to suddenly feel like all the normal rules of polite social behavior have been lifted.

So drop the free speech grand-standing for a moment. No one was arrested or otherwise penalized by the law. This is about ... decency. This is not about what we have the "right" to do. This is about what kind of environment we want to bring our children into, and the values we want to pass on.

Do you think Missouri State Fair officials were right to ban the rodeo clown?

Image via KansasCityStarVideo/YouTube

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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College Student Told She Wasn’t Raped Because He Didn’t 'Finish'

woensdag 24 juli 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 2 hours ago

Can someone please help out the University of Southern California police? They seem a bit confused about how this how rape/sexual assault business works. In fact, it's gotten so bad that there's a federal investigation of the campus police and school officials into their alleged failure to prosecute rape. 13 people have filed complaints, including one woman who says she was told she wasn't raped because her assailant didn't orgasm.

"Because he stopped, it was not rape," the victim was told when she reported the rape, according to a complaint she filed. "Even though his penis penetrated your vagina, because he stopped, it was not a crime." 

Okay ladies? It's not rape if he stops. So someone can force himself on you, but if at some point he says, "Oh, my mistake! Excuse me while I remove myself here" and he hasn't ejaculated yet, it's not really rape. It's something we call "schmape." Schmape is more common than you think. I wonder what else the USC campus police classify as schmape, and not, you know, rape rape.

I'm kidding about the schmape. It's just... Where do they get these guys? Shouldn't you have to know what rape is in order to get hired with campus police? Would an IQ test be out of order?

Another woman complained that her ex-boyfriend raped her. She even had a recording of him bragging about it. But she says the campus police gave her the old "not my job" line, telling her their "goal was to offer an 'educative' process, not to 'punish' the assailant." First of all, ye gods, they don't even know what their job is (enforce the law???). Secondly, are these people really in a position to educate anyone about anything, let alone about sexual assault?

Then there was the student who reported a sexual assault at a frat house party. According to her complaint, campus police told her and a friend that women should not "go out, get drunk, and expect not to get raped." Well now we know; campus police are there to enforce the law, unless of course you go and get drunk and then you're on your own. Only men can get drunk. If you have a vagina, stay home and stay sober. Alcohol is just for the guys.

So the feds do an investigation and come to the shocking conclusion that the USC campus police are a bunch of stone-age knuckleheads. Now what? There are similar investigations happening at college campuses all over the country. Francesca Bessey, who is part of a group lawsuit, says she hopes it changes how college administrators and campus police respond to complaints about sexual assault. "For me, the technical outcome of the investigation is much less important than the consciousness I want it to inspire among decision makers at colleges and universities nationwide."

In other words, she wants to put these guys on notice. They're doing it wrong, and they need to get educated.

Are you surprised at the USC police's responses to these complaints about sexual assault?

Image via Brandon Grasley/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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Jenelle Evans Calls Herself the ‘B’ Word – She Said It, We Didn’t!

donderdag 18 juli 2013

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by Adriana Velez 10 hours ago

I have some shocking Teen Mom news here. You are NOT! Going! To believe it! Are you ready? Make sure you're sitting down first and hold onto your hats. It concerns our favorite, most sweet-tempered and trouble-free Teen Mom. Jenelle Evans says she's a bitch sometimes just because. "Sometimes ill be a bitch just to be one, hahahaha! Ask @GroundLevelUp, he completely understands me to a TEE!" she tweeted yesterday to no one's great surprise.

OMG, right? Really, Jenelle. You don't say.

Okay, but that said, this is classic Jenelle Evans, isn't it? I love how honest she is about her temperament. I mean, we pretty much know this already. In one short tweet she's pretty much summarized almost her entire MO in life. It's her entire world view. Jenelle Evans 101, right there all right.

But if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit I can kind of relate. Maybe I'm not a bitch just to be one quiiite as often as she is. But don't you ever just get a case of the mean reds for no reason (hormones) (kids) (painful women's shoes) (life stuff) and feel like unleashing some of your wrath on the world -- even though the world so does not deserve your wrath?

I'm not Jenelle's age, nor am I a reality TV star, though. So I have to keep a lid on it -- and I do, most of the time. But I like knowing I can deploy my inner bitch when I need to. Sometimes I'll be a bitch... just because I need to be one.

Are you ever a bitch just to be one?

Image via Jenelle Evans/Twitter

Click "Like" for the latest on the Teen Moms. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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