Orgasmic Birth: What It's Really Like

donderdag 26 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota

Earlier this week, I talked about the possibility of using laughter to achieve an orgasmic birth -- you know, as in having the big "O" in the midst of your baby coming into the world.

And while I will probably always find the whole deal a little bit on the hokey side, there are women who are having orgasms during their deliveries, which got me thinking. What exactly goes through their heads while they're climaxing in the delivery room?

My gut tells me it's quite the scene -- and it probably goes a little something like this.

"OMG. Here comes another contraction. Holy fu&%ing sh&$, this HURTS."

(Panting like a dog in heat.) "Wait a second, I'm supposed to laugh. If I laugh, all the pain will magically go away. But it HURTS, dammit."

"Wait! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ooo! I think it's working."

"Ooo. Is it getting warm in here? And that doctor is all sorts of hot. I think he wants me."

"OMG. OMG. OMG. This feels absolutely AMAZING. Should I go for it?"

"Oh yeah! YEAAAAHHHHHH! YES! YES! YES!"

"Sigh. Whew. I think I need a nap now."

"Huh? What happened? And where the hell am I?"

"Snort. I just had a flipping orgasm in the middle of giving birth and no one noticed."

"OMG. Why are they all looking at me like that. Crap. They totally know what just happened. This is mortifying."

"Ahh! I think I feel the head!"

Image via bayasaa/Flickr

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Photo of Soldier Watching Birth of His Twins Via Skype Will Give You Chills

maandag 23 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Mary Fischer 5 hours ago

After seeing this photo of a military dad watching his twins' birth via Skype all the way from Afghanistan, it's easy to understand why it's going viral. I mean, we hear about soldiers witnessing their children's deliveries while stationed overseas all the time, but it's not very often that the actual moment is captured on film.

But luckily, someone had a camera nearby when Colton Romney was watching his wife, Shannon, undergoing a C-section to welcome their twin daughters, Liberty and Lauren, into this world. This allowed Shannon to see his reaction even though he wasn't physically there with her.

Take a look at this video clip to hear more about the birth.

Aww! Their story is so beautiful yet very bittersweet at the same time. It's so wonderful that we have the kind of technology these days to allow these dads to be "present" in the delivery room in a way, yet it's still so tough to think about parents going through such an emotional experience without each other.

Put yourself in Colton's shoes -- can you imagine how hard it must have been for him to hang up that phone after the birth? I'm sure all he wanted to do was hop on a plane and head home to be with all three of his girls immediately. Knowing that wasn't an option must have been heartbreaking.

And that brings us to Shannon. The thought of giving birth to twins without your husband by your side is gut-wrenching enough -- but when you throw in the fact that he's still deployed and she's getting ready to bring them home from the hospital alone, it's pretty impossible to conceive of.

But I guess there is one bright light -- at least Shannon did not technically have to spend her birthday alone, since the twins arrived that very same day. If Colton couldn't be there, at least she wound up with two incredibly special and irreplaceable presents!

Were you moved to tears by this photo?

Image via Facebook

Click "Like" if you love someone in the military! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Mary Fischer

is the writer behind The Mommyologist, and the mom of a future famous comedian. Her current loves include Pinot Grigio on ice and Harry Styles -- in that order.

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Woman Should Be Fined for Giving Birth on Plane and Inconveniencing Passengers

dinsdag 17 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Lisa Fogarty 12 hours ago

Most of us have to admit we've done some pretty inconsiderate things while pregnant. I confess to sending my husband out in the dead of winter on more than one occasion in pursuit of a certain brand and flavor of frozen yogurt. 

But when your irresponsible actions could potentially hurt your baby -- not to mention piss off and put out hundreds of people -- well, shame on you. Take, for example, this woman who lied about her pregnancy and gave birth on an airplane. What was she thinking?

An Arik Air flight en route from Nigeria to London had to make an emergency landing in Spain on Sunday because a woman on board was in labor and giving birth while the plane was airborne. Fortunately for the mom, whose name hasn't been released, two doctors on board came to her rescue. Both mom and baby are fine, but the drama is far from over. The airline is now looking into the very real possibility that the woman's doctor provided her with a false medical report that lied about the duration of her pregnancy!

You may recall that, among other rules like not eating sushi and drinking loads of wine, women over 32 weeks pregnant are prohibited from flying. And this is a perfect example of why -- what if a complication had occurred while this woman gave birth and she was unable to take care of it while 32,000 feet in the air? Whatever her reasons for doing something so mindless, the bottom line is that she put her health and the health of her baby at risk. 

Oh, and let's not forget that she also inconsiderately cost hundreds of other passengers their time and, possibly, money. Who knows how many of those passengers had connecting flights that they missed in London because of this woman? If her doctor must pay some kind of penalty for providing false medical documents, I feel she should also be held accountable for putting herself and her baby at risk, while disrupting the lives of others. 

Do you think this woman should pay a penalty for her actions or do you think the 32-week fly cut-off is just ridiculous? 

Image Via viZZZual.com/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Lisa Fogarty

is a former old-timey print journalist who lives in Brooklyn with her husband and toddler girl. She still carries a notebook everywhere and is always on the lookout for tasty vegan food and blouses with collars that will finally put the Peter Pan out on its (adorable) tush.

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Maya Rudolph Gives Birth to Baby #4: Is She Nuts?!

woensdag 11 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Lisa Fogarty 3 hours ago

Congratulations are in order for actress Maya Rudolph who, alongside Oscar-nominated director Paul Thomas Anderson, has welcomed her fourth child. The couple is keeping a tight lip on the child's gender, name, and actual birth date, which isn't typical in tell-all Hollywood, but kudos to them for attempting to retain some privacy in these precious early weeks. The 41-year-old Bridesmaids star and her 43-year-old husband already have their hands full with Pearl, 7, Lucille, 3, and Jack, 2. 

So now comes the big question -- the one that's so much more important than those inevitable ones she'll get about how she managed to shrink back to a size 4 just weeks after giving birth: is Rudolph a super woman or simply nuts for raising three kids under age 4 at the same time?

Don't get me wrong. I respect the funny pants off her for having enough energy, courage, and love within her to just go for it. Rudolph herself told pal Salma Hayek just last year that she coudn't believe she had three children and was "never doing this again." So it's not crazy to speculate that at least one of the following thoughts may have crossed her mind when she saw that positive pregnancy test:

Holy cow. Can we do this? Will this be the one that breaks me? And where exactly do we store three sizes of diapers, even in this fabulous mansion in which we live? 

On a personal note, I'm expecting my second child this spring, and my 2-year-old is still as anti-toilet as a human can get. I have nightmarish visions in my head of having to change two diapers simultaneously and tend to two screaming children and just absolutely sucking at it all. I constantly wonder whether I am crazy for not waiting a few more years, at least until my child doesn't scream at the sight of a toilet seat. 

I understand that, at age 41, Rudolph doesn't have the luxury of waiting years until her entire brood is in school before she has another baby. And maybe she just loves the idea that her babies are so close in age that the likelihood is strong they'll grow up with a great bond. You have to admit that, once she gets over the crazy toddler hump and nutty teen years, family holidays will probably be a lot of fun at their house. 

What do you think? Is it a blessing or a curse to raise so many children so close in age? 

Image via NBC.com 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Lisa Fogarty

Lisa Fogarty is a former old-timey print journalist who lives in Brooklyn with her husband and toddler girl. She still carries a notebook everywhere and is always on the lookout for tasty vegan food and blouses with collars that will finally put the Peter Pan out on its (adorable) tush.

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Baby Decides Mom's Choice of Hospital Birth Wasn't a Good Idea

maandag 2 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Michele Zipp Yesterday at 9:30 AM

You could have what you think is an iron-clad birth plan. Maybe you have a doula and midwife and hypnobirthing plan. Perhaps you are ready for an epidural while wearing a hospital gown. But we all know that babies have their own birth plan. A plan we know nothing about.

Just like the kid who clearly wanted a Slurpee as their first drink and decided to be born outside of a 7-Eleven, Sheila Wallace's baby wanted nothing to do with a hospital or even home birth.

This baby wanted to stand out. The 31-year-old mother gave birth in the parking lot of the hospital. She arrived at St. Joseph's in Chippewa Falls, WI, at around 11 a.m. after having contractions in the morning. Her water broke at home but she wanted to get to the hospital. Luckily Sheila's mom Roxanne Dachel was with her. Husband Raleigh was at work. 

Sheila's words to her mom during that drive to the hospital were: "We’re fine mom. We’re not going to have this kid in the car." Baby girl McKenzie knew that was true, too. She wanted to be born outside the car. As soon as grandma parked and Sheila stepped out, she felt the urge to push and baby made her entrance. Grandma ran into the hospital to get help as Sheila birthed the baby right into her own arms. 

Within seconds it seemed everyone arrived. Nurses and doctors and proud papa Raleigh, all crowded around the car in the parking lot.

Sheila really believed she had more time. She has three kids already and with all of them she labored for at least four hours at this very same hospital. Not for baby McKenzie though. Her plan was quite different.

Mom and baby are doing fantastic! Congrats to the family and way to go McKenzie on your successful birth plan.

What do you think of this story? Do you think babies have their "own plan"?

Image via Greg Dunlap/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Michele Zipp

loves vintage and will defend skinny jeans to the death though she is highly superstitious and "death" is probably a bad word choice. She has a touch of the hoarding disease and enjoys sleuthing, the worst reality shows, and wearing high heels, even at the playground. She's an AP mom of twins, slightly crunchy but with a pedicure.

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