Crazy New Vampire Grave Discovery Shows the Undead Ain't All That Bright

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by Jacqueline Burt 18 hours ago

Vampire movies and TV shows are all well and good, but there's nothing like a real life vampire discovery to set my spine a-tingling -- right? True stories of the undead don't come around all that often, of course, but when they do? Well, let's just look at a couple of past examples, shall we? First there was that crazy "lady vampire" skull excavated in Italy thought to be evidence of "The Chewing Dead" (yuck!), then there were those other "vampire skeletons" discovered in Bulgaria pinned to their final resting places with giant stakes for all eternity ... NOW Polish archaeologists claim to have found FOUR sets of "vampire" bones with their heads placed between their legs! Folk tradition held that this burial arrangement would ensure that a possible bloodsucker couldn't find his head and come back to life.

Uh, yup. Apparently, according to "folk tradition," this burial arrangement was a sort of guarantee that vampires wouldn't come back to life, really, because if they did, they wouldn't be able to ... find their heads. Huh. Really? So clearly the people of long-ago Poland (the country's last vampire burial is thought to have occurred "long before 1914") didn't think of the undead as all that bright, exactly. I mean, let's say a "vampire" gets staked and beheaded and buried, right? Then, the next night, the sun goes down ... and the vampire "wakes up" ... and is all like, "Where's my effing head?!" Then the vampire would probably start groping around in its grave, right? One would think that after about, oh, I don't know, 30 seconds or so, said vampire would be like, "Oh, HERE it is! Between my legs! I'll just put that back where it belongs on the top of my neck and a-hunting I will go!" 

Maybe (definitely) my whole perception of vampires has been warped by shows like, oh, I don't know, True Blood, but I would still like to believe that immortal types aren't doomed to roam the planet with the intellect of tree stumps!! That's not hot at all.

If vampires exist, do you think they're smart?

Image via istolethetv/Flickr

Click the "Like" button below if you love vampires! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jacqueline Burt

has written for numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites. She is easily bored and often tired, so she requires constant entertainment to keep her awake. Dance, Monkey! Dance! 

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