Disney Changes Rules for Disabled Kids After Families Abuse Special Accommodations

maandag 23 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Jeanne Sager 1 hour ago

It's supposed to be the happiest place on earth, but Disney World and Disneyland are anything but for members of the special needs community at the moment thanks to rumors spreading round the Internet. The theme parks are changing the "guest assistance cards" that parents of children with special needs have come to count on to make vacations with their kids possible. The GAC or GAP program (as its known) has long provided accommodations for children and teens with physical as well as cognitive, developmental, or behavioral challenges.

But rumors that the GAC had been stopped entirely, coupled with a huge petition to get the program back, has parents scared ... and their kids upset.

How would you explain to a child that their favorite vacation spot doesn't want them?

If you've got a neuro-typical kid, you probably haven't thought about it. I'll admit I didn't, even with a future Disney trip on my schedule. It wasn't until I stumbled on a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Shannon Rosa of Squidalicious, that I even knew parents worried that Disney was penalizing kids with special needs because of folks who have been abusing this privilege.

Maybe you heard about the rich jerks who were hiring disabled "family members" to come on vacation so they could get special perks at the parks? There was an expose on the practice a few months back, and then, suddenly, came the rumor that Disney had ended it all.

And parents freaked. For them this isn't a minor inconvenience. It's a full-blown problem. As Rosa, whose son Leo is on the autism spectrum, said on her blog:

You have to understand: our love of the GAC is not because we get to skip lines and blow raspberries at all the chumps who don't. Skipping lines is not a convenience but a necessary accommodation for our boy. Because he is autistic. Because of his specific disability.

Leo can wait in lines, but not always. Not lines of Disneyland length. Not without melting down due to the crowds, the noise, the expectation based on previous experience that he will not have to wait in lines longer than 20 or so minutes. Without the GAC, Disneyland is effectively barred to my son.

And it's not just kids with autism who are affected, here folks. Moriah Bettencourt's son, Alex (the cutie pictured above), has CHARGE Syndrome and he's considered to be deaf/blind as he has serious deficiencies in both areas. Alex, his mom says, "lives for Disneyland."

The family, which hails from the northwest, goes to the California amusement park two to three times a year, and they've found GAC isn't just helpful for them -- it helps the other folks in the park have a pleasurable experience BECAUSE Alex's needs are being met. As Moriah told The Stir:

When Alex was about 7 he was finally tall enough to ride some of the larger rides. At that point my husband was uncomfortable with the special needs pass and thought that we should try to stand in line to see if Alex could do it. About 10 minutes into our waiting in the Splash Mountain line Geoff was horrified when Alex suddenly grabbed two handfuls of the hair of the little girl in front of us. He didn't want to hurt her he just was fascinated by her hair that she kept swinging around but as you can imagine when a stranger suddenly grabs the hair of another stranger things get tense really quickly. 

We made our profuse apologies & promptly stepped out of line, since then the GAP has been a necessity for us. Alex is unable to be that close to strangers without wanting to touch them, it's a serious issue.

Needless to say, the Bettencourts, like the Rosas, were swearing off Disney for awhile. As are hundreds of thousands of families who have been cut off. They're among the nearly 20,000 that have signed a MoveOn petition to get Disney to roll back the changes.

But they may not have to.

The good news? The Stir reached out to Disney, and they say the rumors aren't true. They ARE changing the GAC process ... but it's still in place for now, and they're working with disability groups, including Autism Speaks, to make sure the new program will truly meet families' needs.

According to Michele Himmelber, a PR director for Disneyland Resort:

We have an unwavering commitment to making our parks accessible to all Guests. Given the increasing volume of requests we receive for special access to our attractions, we are changing our process to create a more consistent experience for all our guests while providing accommodations for guests with disabilities. We engaged disability groups, such as Autism Speaks, to develop this new process, which is in line with the rest of our industry.

The new program starts on October 9, and you can be sure parents will be watching, hoping that they make the right choice for their kids. As Shannon Rosa said:

In a fair and just society, you don't take away (or complicate) accommodations for people with disabilities just because non-disabled people are taking advantage of them and making other non-disabled people mad.

Do you use the special accommodations at theme parks? Are you concerned about the changes?

Image via Moriah Bettencourt

Click "Like" for more about parenting kids on the spectrum. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeanne Sager

writes articles for The Stir by day, slays closet monsters and bounds through bedtime stories with her elementary schooler by night. The Phineas and Ferb soundtrack reverberates through her brain.

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Pope Francis Wants Catholics to Stop Complaining About 'Small-Minded' Rules

vrijdag 20 september 2013

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by Maressa Brown 13 hours ago

Steering clear of discussion about religion and politics if you want to avoid confrontation is age-old, sage advice, but keeping the peace may have just gotten easier. That's because Pope Francis' most recent statement is one many of us can agree on ...

Six months into his papacy, Francis has laid out his vision for the church and his priorities in an interview with La Civilta Cattolica, the Italian Jesuit magazine. The lengthy, in-depth discussion was published today in Jesuit journals in 16 countries, including America magazine in the U.S., and the biggest takeaway by far is the Pope's warning that the Catholic Church's moral structure might "fall like a house of cards" if it doesn't dial down the stringent rules on abortion, homosexuality, and contraception. Whoa! And that's not all.

Pope Francis also emphasized what he believes is the need to make the church a more merciful, welcoming place for all. And he lamented his belief that "the church sometimes has locked itself up in small things, in small-minded rules." He also addressed homosexuality specifically by saying:

Tell me, when God looks at a gay person, does he endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person?' We must always consider the person. Here we enter into the mystery of the human being."

Wow! It's pretty groundbreaking that he's going there. Especially in light of the fact that some bishops in the U.S. have been voicing dismay that Francis hasn't been outspoken about abortion, contraception and homosexuality. But while Francis acknowledged he had been "reprimanded" for not speaking out on those subject, he asserted that he doesn't have to and "we cannot insist only on" these controversial issues.

Sounds good to me! While it's sure to have some tongues wagging and tsk-ing, the messages Francis is sending sound reflective of more inclusion and compassion. Hopefully it's indicative of him looking to take the church a big humanitarian step forward.

What do you think about the Pope's controversial statement?

Image via Casa Rosada/Wikimedia

Click "Like" for more on issues that are important to moms. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Maressa Brown

has enjoyed reporting and writing for a variety of entertainment and women's magazines and websites. More often than not, you'll find her blogging, hitting the gym, reading, researching something on her iPhone, laughing, chatting at an above-"normal" volume, or getting her caffeine fix.

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7 Rules for Calling Off Your Wedding at the Last Minute

woensdag 21 augustus 2013

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by Kiri Blakeley 3 hours ago

Billionaire Estee Lauder founder Leonard Lauder cancelled his wedding to his girlfriend at the last minute. Apparently they called guests a few weeks before the wedding to say it was being "postponed," which is code for "ain't gonna happen." I can only imagine that the billionaire and his lady friend must have been planning an elaborate ceremony, with people flying in from everywhere to attend. They probably left a lot of people holding the bag for hotel rooms, tickets, gifts, dresses, etc. But you don't have to be a billionaire to find yourself right smack in the middle of a messy change of heart. What do you do when you decide to cancel your wedding? Here are 7 rules of thumb.

1. Yes, you have to notify everyone. Although it might be tempting to crawl into a hole and disappear for a month, you can't do it. And you have to let them know the wedding is cancelled in no uncertain terms. While some etiquette books recommend saying the wedding is "postponed," I disagree. After my friend called me years ago and left a cryptic message that her wedding was "postponed," I -- like a good bridesmaid -- kept waiting for the call that would let me know when it was back on. My friend, who was understandably embarrassed and avoiding phone calls, was short on details. So I sat on the gift and dress until it was too late to return either. Needless to say, there was no new wedding date. And yes, you can have someone else, like your mother or a friend, do the notifying.

2. No, you don't need to give people a reason. Your friends and family will no doubt get very nosy at this time, and with good reason. You mean you and Chuck, whom you've been with since eighth grade, aren't getting married?? Did he cheat? Did you? Is he gay? Are you? Well, it's none of their business. But you do need to be polite. People will be concerned and curious. Tell them you appreciate their concern, you are fine, but right now you need to deal with the details and will call them in the future if you need to talk.

3. Don't postpone telling people! Let's say you and your fiance are suddenly going back and forth on it. You've got three weeks 'til the wedding. Don't decide to wait until the very last minute. Although it seems counterintuitive to press someone who is suddenly having second thoughts, now is the time to say, "My parents, friends, family are about to buy non-refundable tickets, non-refundable hotel rooms, and gifts for us. I appreciate that you are confused right now and having second thoughts, but it's best if we stop people from spending money they may not get back." None of this is easy with a waffling fiance, but this isn't the time to coddle.

4. Yes, you need to give everything back. All gifts you've already received need to be sent back. All money -- even if you've already spent it on your honeymoon -- needs to be returned. I had a hard time finding any guidelines for what is surely one of the most difficult decisions -- do you pay people back for monies they have already spent for things like tickets, hotel rooms, dresses, that they may not be able to return, even if this means you will be paying off this debt forever? I say yes. You should at least OFFER. Most people will be understanding and let it go. They want you to be happy. But for the people who want their money back, tell them you will get it to them as soon as you can.

5. The ring. Laws vary by state. In some states, it's considered a gift and is yours to keep. In others, it's considered a promise of marriage, and if the marriage doesn't happen, the ring isn't yours to keep. I generally find that it depends on who calls off the wedding and why. I do tend to feel like if you find out something about your fiance that prevents you from getting married (like he's cheating; he's gay; he's secretly a woman; etc.), then you should get to keep the ring. Or if he calls it off for no good reason.

6. If you call it off, you pay up. I had a friend who called off his wedding to his fiancé at the last minute -- for no real reason other than he suddenly got cold feet. He then spent the next couple of years trying to get HER to pay off the debt they'd both accrued in booking a venue, band, and other incidentals that they couldn't get full refunds for. He felt that since SHE was the one who wanted that venue, wanted that band, SHE should pay at least half of the debt. Wrong. SHE wanted to get married. YOU didn't, for no reason other than you didn't -- which is a valid reason, but doesn't mean she should get stuck with debt for a wedding you didn't want. If you call it off for nothing your fiance DID (like cheat or you find out something horrible), then you should pay.

7. No, it's not okay to throw a "pre-wedding divorce party" and keep all of the gifts and expect everyone to come because, hey, they had those hotel rooms anyway. Just no.

Have you ever dealt with a cancelled wedding?

Image via rocksee/Flickr

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New School Rules for Transgender Kids Make Perfect Sense

woensdag 14 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Kiri Blakeley 3 hours ago

Transgender kids are going to have an easier time going to school in California. The state just became the first to give transgender children certain rights that aren't available everywhere. Some of the rights transgender kids grades K-12 will now have? Transgender kids can now use whichever bathroom or locker room they want. They can also choose whether they want to play girls' or boys' sports. Transgender advocates are happy about the change -- but not everyone is.

Supporters of the bill say that this will help eliminate bullying and discrimination. Let's face it, if you're a boy who dresses like a girl and who identifies as a girl, it would suck to have to use the boys' bathroom or locker room. It must be confusing enough what a transgender kid is going through without being "girl" in the classroom and at home but "boy" in the locker room.

On the other hand, detractors say that this infringes upon the privacy of other students. So I guess if you're a girl and that "girl" (who was born a boy) comes into the locker room, it could be uncomfortable.

I very much doubt any kid who was born a boy decides to become a girl so he can snatch a peek inside the girls' locker room or bathroom. That would be a HUGE change to take on in your life just to see a bit of frilly panty. Which, if you're wearing them, you could look at anyway.

But what about kids who haven't quite figured it out yet? Last week, I was standing outside with a friend when her friend, and her friend's young daughter, stopped by to say hello. When they left, I said something to the effect of, "What a cute girl," and my friend replied, "That's a boy."

"That's a boy?!" I exclaimed, watching the boy with the striped tights and a pink and blue skirt walk away with his mom. Apparently the little boy (about 3 years old, I guess) liked to dress up like a girl. Sometimes. Other times, he dresses like a boy. His mom lets him decide which he wants that day.

So which bathroom would he use? Would it depend on his mood? Would he be considered a transgender kid? When you get as young as kindergarten, kids like this haven't had hormone treatments or surgery -- they just might prefer to dress like a girl, be called by a girl's name, and play with traditionally girls' toys. But does that mean the boy really identifies as female? As a kid, I wore pants, played with trucks, and occasionally liked to be called "Peter" (as in Peter Pan), but never had any doubt I was a girl and liked being a girl. (I also never thought to use the boys' bathroom -- ew!)

On the other hand, young kids of the opposite sex using each other's bathrooms isn't a big deal. They do it at home. Presumably, by the time kids like this little boy get to high school, he will know what sex he identifies as. It all gets a little confusing, but at the end of the day, kids being able to identify as the sex they want will save them from being depressed and suicidal down the line.

Do you agree with the California bill?

Image via Smithwithclass/Flickr

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Mom Takes On Stupid Pregnancy 'Rules' and Tells It Like It Really Is

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AppId is over the quota
by Jacqueline Burt 2 hours ago

What's safe during pregnancy? What's not? It's a debate that will continue to rage on, I suspect, for as long as babies are born, but the answers change -- often. Or maybe I should say opinions? And those opinions do tend to stir up some serious controversy, as is the case with those contained in the new book Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong -- and What You Really Need to Know by Emily Oster. As you might have guessed from the name, Oster's take on what's okay/not okay during pregnancy is slightly different from what's currently considered conventional wisdom: Caffeine and alcohol -- in moderation, of course -- aren't necessarily mortal sins for mothers-to-be. Now, Oster isn't a doctor, but she is an economist. And when -- while pregnant with her first child -- she applied her expertise with numbers to relevant studies, what she found was, in her words, "surprising."

In search of real answers, I combed through hundreds of studies -- the ones that the recommendations were based on -- to get to the good data. This is where another part of my training as an economist came in: I knew enough to read the numbers correctly ... the key problem lies in separating correlation from causation. The claim that you should stop having coffee while pregnant, for instance, is based on causal reasoning: If you change nothing else, you'll be less likely to have a miscarriage if you drink less coffee. But what we see in the data is only a correlation -- the women who drink coffee are more likely to miscarry. There are also many other differences between women who drink coffee and those who don't, differences that could themselves be responsible for the differences in miscarriage rates.

This makes a lot of sense to me. My first pregnancy was something of a surprise, so I was already eight weeks along when I saw those double lines on the test stick. And let me tell ya: Insta-panic!! Those first ignorant eight weeks were filled with all sorts of activity not generally considered to be appropriate during pregnancy. Naturally I quit smoking, drinking, and guzzling Starbucks right away, but I still worried ... thankfully, my daughter was born perfectly healthy (and too smart for her own good).

Still, not surprisingly, lots of people are absolutely going insane over Oster's ideas, accusing the mom and author of being "irresponsible" and even a "danger to pregnant women and their families." Is that fair? When my grandmother was pregnant with my father, her ob/gyn encouraged her to smoke cigarettes to keep her weight down -- he even prescribed Dexedrine! My mom, on the other hand, was told by her ob/gyn to eat "as much as she wanted," weight gain be damned! Maybe it's safe to say none of us has all the answers? For me, it all goes back to the common sense thing: A glass of wine is probably fine, a bottle is probably less fine. But that's just me.

Do you think drinking coffee and/or alcohol during pregnancy in moderation is okay?

Image via star5112/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jacqueline Burt

has written for numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites. She is easily bored and often tired, so she requires constant entertainment to keep her awake. Dance, Monkey! Dance! 

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