A Letter to My Awkward, College-Bound 18-Year-Old Self

maandag 23 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Rebecca Stokes 4 hours ago in Teen

I'm in the middle, freaking out

Dear Becca,

You're 18 and headed down South for college. You're going to make some amazing friends and some terrible decisions. You're going to feel more alone and more exhilarated than you have ever felt before. It's going to be awesome, and it's going to be awful, and you are going to be okay. Promise.

Do me a favor and be kinder to yourself, okay? Sure, your hair will "always grow back," but that doesn't mean bleaching it white or a hideous shade we will always call "corpse rot brown" is a good idea. While we're talking, please burn those white lace stretch pants you bought and most of your other clothes. Stop trying to be someone you aren't.

You might not believe it, but I'm here to tell you that if you stop obsessing about your body right now, you'll save yourself hundreds of hours of time. Are you happy? Are you healthy? Good. Let's go hang out with the people we love instead of worrying if you're the heaviest girl in the room.

Study for math. Study for chemistry. Ask questions. Admit you don't know something. Fail on your own terms -- not because you're too embarrassed to bother getting an Add/Drop slip signed. Don't be afraid to speak up when you have something to say. No one will think less of you.

Don't hide behind a wall of ice because you're shy. It's much, much better to have real friends than it is to have throngs of people who "think you're cool." If you let people in, the world isn't going to end. It might actually start.

Kiss him. What is the matter with you? Kiss him! He's right there, and you're right there, and you are 18 and beautiful and he's got long floppy hair and a perfect shy grin and this moment will never happen again. Kiss him, or 12 years later you will regret having missed the chance all because you were afraid.

Wear a coat, wear socks too, I mean it! Get some sleep and get up before noon. Don't walk alone at night. Go to the doctor when you're sick, and maybe eat something other than dining hall pizza and soft serve. Just, like, once in a while. Take care of you. Because you're wonderful. 

Be brave. Say hello first. Go to the party. Admit you were the one who puked on that guy's coat. Dance as much as you want and don't worry about what it looks like. Be a joiner. Make mistakes you won't learn from with wild abandon. Be yourself, and if they don't like it, it doesn't matter. Truly, and hear me now, it doesn't matter.

Take the big risk, you nerd. Don't give up. Don't fall into a routine because it feels safe. Don't settle for anything. Call your friends more. Tell them how much they matter. Say it regularly even if they roll their eyes at you. Live your life. If you're scared, you're about to do something amazing. And keep writing. Surprisingly, the whole writing thing kind of works out.

Yours in Time Travel,

30-Year-Old Becca

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Rebecca Stokes

Rebecca is a writer who lives in Brooklyn with her cats. She is probably even at this moment spilling food on herself.

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Woman Gets Letter and Purple Heart of Father She Never Met 70 Years Later (VIDEO)

zaterdag 21 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Maressa Brown 20 hours ago

After seven decades, a letter from a World War II veteran to his daughter will finally end up in its rightful owner's hands this weekend! Pfc. John Eddington was about to be deployed to Europe in World War II when he learned that his wife had given birth to a daughter named Peggy. He wrote a letter, telling the little girl how much he loved her and wanted to see her. But sadly, he never made it back from the war, and Peggy never met her father ... But his letter and Purple Heart medal both ended up in a box thousands of miles away from Peggy, much like a message in a bottle or a time capsule.

Thankfully, a Missouri woman named Donna Gregory found the box and made it her mission to find Peggy, too, reports the AP ...

Fourteen years ago, Donna was helping her then-husband clean out his grandparents' home in Arnold, Missouri when she stumbled upon a cardboard box filled with WWII memorabilia related to Eddington. No one can really explain what the box was doing there, as Eddington lived in a completely different "neck of the woods" 75 miles southwest of St. Louis. Still, somehow, this box had made its way to that home, and Donna discovered the War Department's message to Eddington's mother about his death in Italy in June 1944, four months after his daughter's birth, the Purple Heart, and the letter Eddington wrote to his daughter while stationed in Texas, just before he was sent overseas. Wow!

Over the course of the next almost decade and a half, Donna did everything she could to track down Peggy. But it wasn't until earlier this year when she started to reach out via Facebook -- oh, the miracle of Facebook! -- that she actually managed to touch base with Peggy Smith, living in Nevada now and of the belief her mother had lost the medal or given it away ... until Donna called.

"It was an unforgettable moment," Donna says, while Peggy could only describe her reaction as "stunned." Aww!

And instead of delivering it herself to Peggy, Donna decided to write a letter to the Patriot Guard Riders, the volunteer organization perhaps best known for patrolling funerals of soldiers to shield relatives from protesters. She said she thought it would be more special if perhaps veterans were to present the Purple Heart to Peggy.

So earlier this week, Donna, her sister, and a friend left St. Louis in an SUV, accompanied by about a dozen motorcyclists from the Patriot Guard. Along the route, different groups of riders are taking turns accompanying Donna. Tomorrow, a parade will begin in Carson City, Nevada and make the 15-mile trek to Dayton, where Peggy will be presented the medal and letter in a ceremony at the high school. Smith's children and most of her 11 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren will be there. Amazing!!

Though Peggy claims she's "not a big shindig person," she notes she'll be "crying the whole time." As will Donna who says:

I've cherished all of this for a very long time. I've waited for the finale of this journey for over a decade.

Simply incredible. When these two women meet for the first time face to face and Peggy is finally able to read that letter from her father and receive his Purple Heart, it will be such an emotional moment. Here's hoping a local news crew or two capture that moment, because it will be one that is sure to have us all wiping tears from our eyes.

In the meantime, here's a news report documenting Donna and Co. embarking on their journey to Peggy only a few days ago ...

What's your reaction to this amazing story?

Click "Like" if you love someone in the military! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Maressa Brown

has enjoyed reporting and writing for a variety of entertainment and women's magazines and websites. More often than not, you'll find her blogging, hitting the gym, reading, researching something on her iPhone, laughing, chatting at an above-"normal" volume, or getting her caffeine fix.

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Letter Telling Family to Euthanize Autistic Child Ruled Out as a Hate Crime

dinsdag 20 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota

In a letter that proves that there is pink paper in the depths of hell, a family of a teenager with autism was recently told to euthanize the 13-year-old or move out of their neighborhood. The typed letter that came from an anonymous neighbor of Maxwell Begley's family has gone viral, angering just about anyone who reads it. That includes the cops, who are trying to figure out what to do about the "pissed off mother" who sent the note.

For starters, if and when they find her, they won't be charging her with a hate crime.

It's too bad.

The letter is certainly full of hateful comments about the 13-year-old, from urging the Begleys to donate whatever “non-retarded body parts he possesses" to science to referring to noises the child makes when outside as "noise polluting whaling (sic)." But Durham Regional Police in the Begleys' hometown of Newcastle, Ontario, have reviewed the letter and determined the language doesn't qualify as a hate crime under Canadian statutes.

That's the bad news.

The good news is that the cops have taken the letter in as evidence, and they are trying to do something about it.

Criminal charges could come of this. Thank goodness.

Because a letter like that can't just make us mad. While that's all well and good in terms of increasing awareness of the discrimination and cruelty kids on the autism spectrum (and their families) encounter, Internet outrage isn't worth a whole lot. Throw in $1.50 and you might get a decent cup of coffee.

A letter like this crosses so many lines that it has to get the writer in real trouble, right? Otherwise, what's to keep them from doing it again?

Criminalizing behavior like this is the only sure way to prevent it from being repeated.

Frankly, it's hard to figure out the exact line between freedom of speech and harassing speech, and I'll admit I'm no expert on Canadian laws.

It's OK to hate on your neighbors from the privacy of your own home -- according to one survey, as many as 60 percent of people have admitted they don't get along with the folks next door. But you certainly don't take it beyond personal griping, and especially not in the form of a hate-filled screed about an innocent child.

It would seem to be criminal to have actually sent this letter to the family. This wasn't a letter someone wrote on their own computer, printed, then balled up and threw away. It wasn't even a rather inappropriate blog post.

This was a letter specifically sent to the Begley family. It was meant to hit them at home, on their own turf, where they should be able to feel safe, where Maxwell should be able to feel loved.

At the very least, the letter writer should be forced to do a little community service ... perhaps at a place that serves kids with special needs?

Check out the letter -- do you think it's criminal?

Images via Frederic Bisson/Flickr; Begley family

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Mark Ruffalo Reveals Mom's Illegal Abortion in a Heroic Open Letter

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AppId is over the quota
by Maressa Brown 1 hour ago

All over the country, some state governments have declared a new wave of the war on women, passing sweeping restrictions on abortion and other women's health care services -- 11-hour filibusters from rising star Sen. Wendy Davis, be damned! But conservative, anti-abortion voices aren't the only ones speaking up. Actor and activist Mark Ruffalo recently made his position on the subject known in a statement of support for a pro-choice campaign. His remarks were read at a rally outside of Mississippi's last abortion clinic, Jackson Women's Health Organization, this past weekend, making quite the impression. In great part because he talked about his own mother's traumatizing experience of having an abortion before it was safe and legal.

Here, seven best points Ruffalo made in the heartfelt, timely, incredibly important statement ...

On his mom's experience: "I have a mother who was forced to illegally have an abortion in her state where abortion was illegal when she was a very young woman. It cost $600 cash. It was a traumatizing thing for her. It was shameful and sleazy and demeaning. When I heard the story I was aghast by the lowliness of a society that would make a woman do that."On the era in which his mother had an illegal abortion: "What happened to my mother was a relic of an America that was not free nor equal nor very kind. ... It was a time when women were seen as second rate citizens who were not smart enough, nor responsible enough, nor capable enough to make decisions about their lives."On progress: "I don’t want to turn back the hands of time to when women shuttled across state lines in the thick of night to resolve an unwanted pregnancy, in a cheap hotel room just south of the state line."On trusting women: "I actually trust the women I know. I trust them with their choices, I trust them with their bodies, and I trust them with their children. I trust that they are decent enough and wise enough and worthy enough to carry the right of Abortion and not be forced to criminally exercise that Right at the risk of death or jail time."On illegal abortion's similarities to racism: "There was no mistake in us making abortion legal and available on demand. That was what we call progress. Just like it was no mistake that we abolished institutional racism in this country around the same time."On the recent moves made by conservative politicians: "There is nothing to be ashamed of here except to allow a radical and recessive group of people to bully and intimidate our mothers and sisters and daughters for exercising their right of choice. Or use terrorism and fanaticism to block their legal rights or take the lives of their caregivers. Or design legislation that would chip away at those rights disguised as reinforcing a woman’s health."On what being pro-choice truly means: "I invite you to find your voice and let it be known that you stand for abortion rights and the dignity of a woman to be the master of her own life and body."

What are your thoughts on Mark Ruffalo's statement?

Image via Tony Felgueiras/Wikimedia

Click "Like" for more on issues that are important to moms. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Maressa Brown

has enjoyed reporting and writing for a variety of entertainment and women's magazines and websites. More often than not, you'll find her blogging, hitting the gym, reading, researching something on her iPhone, laughing, chatting at an above-"normal" volume, or getting her caffeine fix.

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An Open Letter to the Parents Planning an All-Boy Superhero Party

dinsdag 13 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 12 hours ago

Over the weekend I happened to see a letter to an advice column that nearly made me spit out my Sunday brunch coffee. A 5-year-old girl was invited to a boy's superhero-themed birthday party. And then she was uninvited (unvited?) because of the party's "masculine" theme and invited to a separate party just for girls. The writer was trying to figure out how to explain this to their daughter and also wondering if they should say something to the host because "something about this feels wrong." Yeah, something here feels wrong, but I just can't put my finger on it ... hmm ... oh yes, I've got it: Wow, that's hella sexist.

The social guru responded that the parent shouldn't mention anything to the host. And that's reasonable advice -- I can see how bringing it up would just lead to conflict. But for those of us who are, let's just say, not so afraid of conflict, I give you: An Open Letter to the Parents Who Planned the Boys-Only Superhero Party.

Dear parents,

You have the right to plan whatever kind of birthday party you want, even if it's just boys. I don't really think that's a big deal. It is inconsiderate to invite someone (especially a child) to a party and then rescind that invitation. Even if it was your 5-year-old who informed you that he didn't want girls at his party, it's his parents' role to teach him about how kindness and tolerance translates into polite behavior.

But that's not the biggest issue for me. No, what I'm really concerned about is the sad delusion you've been laboring under that superheroes are somehow exclusively "masculine." I just -- really? Did we grow up on the same planet? Here, let me show you this list.

Wonder WomanBlack WidowZatannaStormPower GirlJean GreyRavenHillary Clinton (Haha, kidding! Sort of.)StarfireBlack CanaryHuntressBat Girl

And if that list seems a little short, it's only because I don't have all afternoon to type out all these names of female superheroes. I think you get my point.

I mention this because I pity anyone who cannot see any place for women and girls in the superhero world. Know who my son's favorite superhero was when he was 3 or 4 years old? Wonder Woman. He kept a Wonder Woman action figure wrapped in his little fist during every waking hour. He was so obsessed, I would buy three or four action figures at a time lest we lose one on the playground. And I was happy to do it, because I was so grateful for the opportunity it afforded to shape his view of women.

When we recognize female superheroes, we are imagining all kinds of possibilities for girls. We are inviting girls to imagine themselves as powerful, fast, strong, magical, yes. But we're also encouraging our sons to recognize those traits in the females around them. The women and girls in my son's life are fierce -- starting with me, hopefully. It's simply short-sighted to close a boy off from seeing females that way. Your son is going to meet some fierce females in his lifetime, and it'll be his loss if he fails to appreciate or even respect that power.

But hey, there's always the sixth birthday party.

Sincerely,

Diana Prince

Do your sons know of any female superheroes?

Image via J D Hancock/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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