Don’t Raise a Creep: 5 Important Conversations to Have With Your Son

vrijdag 13 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 14 hours ago

In an open letter to parents of boys, writer and sex educator Carina Kolodny talks about all those cautionary conversations we're supposed to have with our daughters: Be careful how you dress, don't drink too much, protect yourself against creepy men. But then she asks, "Who are these 'creepy men' and where did they come from AND who in the hell raised them?" Oh -- that would be US! Creepy men start out as boys, and that means at least one parent somehow failed to teach their son not to be creepy. And so, Kolodny makes a very reasonable request: Talk with your sons about how they treat women and girls, all of them.

Okay, fair enough. But ... it's so awkward. What are you supposed to do? "Son, please pass the salt, and speaking of passing the salt, can we talk about sexual assault?" Awkward! Leave Dr. Seuss behind. Here are a few ways to start that "Don't Be a Creep" conversation with your son.

It's all about noticing the right opportunity and asking key questions. That way you can find out what your son already thinks before launching into a lecture that will make them roll their eyes and say, "I know, Mom/Dad!"

You’re watching TV and you see an ad with girls wearing skimpy clothes: How do you think the girls in that ad want to be treated by men? Would your friends treat girls dressed that way differently than girls dressed in long jeans? Why/why not?

You’re having a glass of wine with dinner: You know, I was raised not to get too drunk to behave responsibly, but I know not everyone else has been taught that. What would you do if a girl you know got so drunk she couldn’t move? Do you think drinking more than you meant to would ever excuse your behavior if you ended up doing something wrong?

You're listening to music in the car and the singer is boasting about his sexual conquests: Why is he so proud of having sex with so many women? What does that do for him? Can a grown man be cool/manly/awesome without having sex with a lot of women?

You hear someone use the word "slut" in any context: How come we rarely hear anyone call a guy a slut? Why are people uncomfortable with the idea of girls having sex with more than one guy?

You see or hear a news story about online sexual harassment: What do you think of girls who post sexy photos of themselves? Has anyone ever texted you a photo of a girl with her clothes off? (He'll probably say no ...) What would you think of that?

I confess, I haven't had any of these conversations with my own son -- yet. But I think I should, because if I don't, there's plenty of other people out there who will teach him to be a creep. And as a parent of a boy, I think it's my responsibility to help keep your daughters safe, too.

Have you ever had these kinds of conversations with your sons?

Image via Mike Baird/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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7 Most Important People in a New Mom's Life

zondag 8 september 2013

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I read somewhere once that life goes in seven year cycles. You change completely in seven years, including your relationships. For me it was more like nine months (give or take). I gave birth and BAM, the people who were suddenly important to me was vastly different from the people who mattered before.

I'm not just talking about my daughter. Of COURSE she became pretty much the most important person on earth (well, to me and to her father). I'm talking about the people who became my lifeline when I was a new mom.

Did this happen to you?

Did you find being a new mom meant there were new people on your speed-dial, new people who began to mean ... everything?

People like ...

1. Your Pediatrician. It feels like you see the guy (or gal!) every other week between all the shots and the "OMG, the baby is sniffling, they must be dying" panic of new motherhood.

2. Your Mother (or Other Maternal Figure). I seem to recall early motherhood as a string of phone conversations with my aunt. "Why is breastfeeding so hard?" "Do I really have to boil the pacifiers?" "When will she sleeeeeeeeep?"

3. The Mailman. You probably never exchanged more than a "how's the weather" with the guy before, but now that he's the only adult conversation you get all day, he's like your BFF.

4. The UPS Man. He brings the big boxes of diapers you find online for cheap. 'Nuff said.

5. The Drive-Through Teller/Clerk. You used to get out of your car to bank and pick up your pharmaceuticals. Now the lady at the drive-through knows to lower her voice so she doesn't wake the sleeping baby in your backseat with that squawking mic.

6. The Pizza Guy. Who has time to cook dinner these days? WHO?

7. Other Moms. You might have been friends before; you might not have. But now you have so much to talk about that you didn't before.

Did you find your relationships changed after the baby came? Who are the most important people in your life right now?

Image via audi_insperation/Flickr

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The 5 Most Important Lessons That Come Out of Loss

donderdag 8 augustus 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Kristen Chase 3 hours ago in Healthy Living

This past week, I learned of the deaths of three people. One was a college acquaintance, another my beloved theater professor. The third was a young mom I didn't even know whose passing I found out about from one of my blog readers.

When these tragedies occur, I find myself looking back at my own legacy, using the sadness as a way to challenge myself to be a better person and parent. I've taken to reminding myself of the powerful regrets dying people have spoken about so that I don't waste another second of this gift of life I'm lucky enough to have.

I suppose it might seem odd to find inspiration from "Regrets of the Dying," an article by former palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware (who later wrote a book on the same topic). But I can only imagine that they'd want their words to matter and change someone who still had a chance to enjoy their days.

This past week I decided to read her article again and apply those five regrets to my own life. Nothing like a healthy dose of perspective to help make one more appreciative and aim for better. 

1. I wish I had been true to myself and not just done what others expected of me. I still struggle with this every day, though I'm getting closer with some of the career and relationship decisions I've made. As hard as it is for me not to care what other people think, I still find myself concerned, particularly with my own mother.

2. I wish I had worked less. As a business owner, working less is quite a challenge, but lately, I've been waking up earlier so that I can spend the morning hours with my children before their sitter arrives. And I've been shutting down and working after they go to bed so that I can be present for them through the afternoon and evening. I'm happier for it, and so are they.

3. I wish I'd expressed my feelings more. I'm fortunate that I've always been open about sharing my feelings, perhaps maybe too much. If there's anything I've learned from watching others suffer, keeping emotions inside can often do more harm than good. Part of this, however, is allowing myself to be vulnerable, and I'll be honest: I'm not quite sure I'm there yet.

4. I should have stayed in better touch with my friends. I've already discussed how I regret not staying in touch with my friends. I am thankful for Facebook in this case because it has allowed me to contact old friends and rekindle our friendships. I still wish I had more time to travel and visit those who aren't close by. One day at a time, right?

5. I wish I'd been happier. It's easy to get bogged down by the day-to-day challenges of being a working parent, but I know that taking things in stride not only makes me nicer to be around, but also sets a good example for my kids. And let's be honest -- I'm pretty sure no one ever says when the end is near, "I wish I had laughed and smiled less."

What would be your last regrets?

Image via David W/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kristen Chase

is a writer, sex book author, and mom of four. She has absolutely no hobbies, unless you count obsessing over Ryan Reynolds, cleaning Sharpie off the walls, and Twitter. 

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‘Game of Thrones’ Season 4 Will Be Jon Snow’s Most Important Yet (VIDEO)

vrijdag 26 juli 2013

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by Jill Baughman 17 hours ago

Now that the folks behind Game of Thrones made their highly anticipated appearance at Comic-Con, it gives us fans a chance to freak out about what they had to say. Season 4 is gearing up to be the best yet, so it's nice to have something to tide us over as we wait ... and wait ... and wait for 2014.

Take a look at what Kit Harington, who plays the character who's very hot and seems to know very little, at least according to his girlfriend, Jon Snow, had to say. It'll be a "really powerful season," he revealed. "I'm not doing the actor thing of saying 'each season is brilliant' because I have to" (good, because we were going to accuse him of doing just that). "It's very action-filled. Last season was a big impact season, this season is very action-packed. On paper it looks incredible, whether we can pull it off ... who knows!"

"I've just finished reading [the script] and I genuinely think it's my favorite one so far."

So exciting! What's next for Jon Snow? Book spoilers ahead!!

Fans who have read A Storm of Swords know that Jon Snow has a really big season 4 ahead of him. "There are some really important things that happen for my character this season," Kit unhelpfully offers.

Let's expand upon that a little more, shall we? Last we saw Mr. Snow, he was able to escape from the wildings, even though he was shot with a few arrows by an enraged Ygritte. He managed to get to the Wall and reunite with Samwell! Awwww.

Jon doesn't have much of a chance to recover: The wildling army finally gets to Castle Black and attacks the Wall, though Jon is able to warn the Night's Watch in advance. Since there are so few of them left, Jon takes command.

When the worst of the fighting is over and the wildings are driven back, Jon makes a point to find poor Ygritte as she is dying. She was hit by an arrow, and the entire farewell scene between the two of them is intensely sad. Gahh, how heartbreaking is that going to be?! Can't anyone in this series ever stay together and live happily ever after?! (Don't answer that.)

Anyway, Janos Slynt and Alliser Thorne come back to Castle Black, try to take command, and proceed to accuse Jon of oathbreaking and treachery. After being imprisoned, they send him straight on back to chat with (and kill) Mance Rayder. Jon begrudgingly heads over and observes that Mance has found the Horn of Winter. Legend has it that when the horn is blown, all of the giants awaken from the earth.

While they're talking, King Stannis and his army fortuitously arrive and take out the wildings. Jon, upon returning to the Night's Watch, contends with his toughest decision yet. Stannis offers to make him the Lord of Winterfell -- as long as Jon continues to support him -- by legitimizing him (remember, Jon is Eddard Stark's bastard, and everyone thinks the other Stark children are dead). But Samwell has something else up his sleeve and is able to manipulate all the others into voting for Snow as the new Lord Commander of the Night's Watch.

Jon's lover dying in his arms? A huge battle? A glimpse of the Horn of Winter? Jon becoming Lord Commander (thanks to Samwell)? I don't know how much longer I can wait for season 4!

Just for kicks, here is the lovely Kit Harington during a Comic-Con interview:

What are you most excited to see come alive in Jon Snow's storyline during season 4?

Image via HBO

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jill Baughman

is the copy chief of The Stir and geeks out over all the nuances and weirdness of the English language.

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1 Important Thing Every Pregnant Woman Needs to Ensure a Healthy Baby

vrijdag 19 juli 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Adriana Velez 17 hours ago

Hey pregnant ladies -- now you have one more reason to try and get a good night's sleep. Poor sleep can disrupt your baby's immune system. It can also lead to lower birth rate and other complications. "Our results highlight the importance of identifying sleep problems in early pregnancy ... since sleep is a modifiable behavior," says lead researcher Michelle Okun. So now you know. Get plenty of sleep, future mamas. Okay? Okay. End of post.

"Oh but wait," sleep-deprived women everywhere cry out, "what if we have INSOMNIA?!?" It's helpful to know that your baby's immune system is linked with your sleep, but there's a million other reasons why pregnant women would want to get a good night's sleep already. Not many people actually deprive themselves of sleep on purpose, you know? So if you know it's good for you, but you still can't seem to get enough sleep, what can you do?

1. Work with your doctor. This should probably be your first step, before trying any home remedies. There may be significant health issues or symptoms that are causing your sleeplessness (besides pregnancy, which is not a medical condition, I know). And your doctor will know about any complications you should be aware of.

2. Set the stage. Before you go to bed, dim the lights and try to limit your screen time. Reading a book or magazine before bed will better help your mind to relax; watching TV or going online can stimulate your mind too much right before bed. Make sure your bedroom is cool. Don't bring anything work-related into your bedroom if you can help it, and definitely not into bed with you.

3. Get some exercise. There are many reasons to exercise during pregnancy -- one of them is that it will help you sleep better. Exercise in moderation and check with your doctor about any modifications you should make. Even walking and yoga will help.

4. Rescue Remedy. Herbal sleeping aids are generally not recommended for pregnant women. But some doctors are all right with taking Rescue Remedy just to quiet your mind before bed. You'll want to check with your own doctor, first.

5. Take a nap. As a pregnant woman, you are officially entitled to a nap when you need it.

Do you have trouble sleeping while pregnant?

Image via Bart Everson/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Adriana Velez

is a staff writer who dabbles in food, parenting, news, entertainment, molecular biology, and anything else that that pops into her head. She lives with her elementary school-aged son in Brooklyn, land of urban farms and artisan everything.  

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