28 Totally Bizarre Questions Every Mom Has Asked Herself

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Lately, I've found myself asking my readers rhetorical parenting questions in a not so overt attempt to assuage guilt and make sure I'm not alone. Last week's guilt driven query was: Is it wrong for the "Tooth Fairy" to steal money from one kid to pay the other?

PS: The answer according to my Facebook Fans is a resounding no. Whew. Though I fear that armed with this knowledge, I may be asking them next week if the same goes for paying the pizza delivery guy. Oh well.

That said, I'm guessing there is a slew of questions every mom will ask herself at least once -- here are just a few...

1. At what age do I have to tell them babies don't come from your belly button?

2. Is it wrong for the "Tooth Fairy" to steal money from one kid to pay the other?

3. What the hell sound does a chick make? Does it go peep-peep or chirp-chirp? Or does it squeak? (Wait, it may only squeak if you step on it, crap.)

4. Is it really worth it to fight over them brushing their teeth every day, twice a day? I mean, they're just gonna lose them all anyway, right?

5. How much longer before one of them realizes I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing?

6. Will I ever be able to wash all my body parts during a single shower?

7. How many times in one day can a child utter the word mom/mommy? How many times in an hour? A minute? A second?

8. How can such a tiny adorable thing produce such an offensive disgusting odor?

9. If I freeze right now and act like a statue, will he fall back to sleep so that I can exit the room, or did I just screw up my whole night by checking on him (again)?

10. Is it creepy that I want to snuggle with them forever?

11. What did I do today that they will bring up years from now in therapy?

12. Will my kids ever eat things that one couldn't find on a kiddie menu?

13. Does jumping in the pool not count as a bath?

14. Will my child still be using a diaper/binky/blankie when she walks down the aisle?

15. Why does it seem like they're the messiest right after I clean up?

16. Will it ever be possible to make it across my house without stepping on or tripping over a Lego, Barbie, ball, skateboard, drum stick, puzzle piece, My Little Pony, or something they got in a Happy Meal?

17. Is it considered child labor if I tell them part of the reason I had them was to answer phones, let the dog out, and bring me water?

18. When did I go from being the most awesome person ever to the most uncool person to walk this Earth?

And these are the top 10 from my readers (thanks guys!):

19. When will he learn I really DON'T have eyes in the back of my head? - Lynn

20. How long will "kisses" make everything feel better? - Amy

21. At what point will they understand the words coming out of my mouth, THE FIRST TIME?!? - Steph

22. How much longer 'til they turn on me like rabid dogs? - Carolyn

23. Will my husband and I EVER be able to sleep alone/naked/all night again? - Kimberlie

24. At what point did I become my mother, and is this really a bad thing? - Loren

25. Do they deliberately aim for the wall next to the toilet? - Daniel

26. How much longer 'til I get to go over to THEIR houses & mess everything up? - Joanne

27. How much longer can I keep telling them it's the law to learn to swim? - Sarah

28. When can they get jobs? - Michele

You know you wanna add one ... go for it!

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