10 Signs Your Man Is 'Gaslighting' You to Make You Seem Crazy

dinsdag 6 augustus 2013

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Have you ever felt like you were going crazy? And not because anyone has 5150'd you. But because someone -- maybe it's your husband -- keeps telling you you're crazy. "Are you crazy?" you hear over and over. "You are really paranoid. You need to get your head checked!" Hear that enough times and you probably believe it. But are you really crazy or are you being gaslighted?

"Gaslighted" is an psychiatric term that came from a classic movie starring Ingrid Bergman called Gaslight (which was a British play before that). In it, her husband tries to drive her mad. (Netflix it.) But it turns out she's not crazy after all -- her husband is just trying to make her think she is. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse wherein your partner manipulates your perception of reality. Here's 10 signs you're being gaslighted.

1. You're told something is normal that you can feel deep in your bones is not. Say your husband (or partner or boyfriend or even friend) does something you find strange. Like ask you to lie for him. You don't think this is right. You say so. He comes back with something like, "Every wife would do this. We're a team. I'm in trouble and I need you. I can't believe you don't think that this is normal. There is something wrong with you!"

2. You're told you are paranoid, too sensitive, or stressed out. Again, something strange happens. Your husband is seen out with a woman you don't know. You ask him about it. He has some vague explanation but then tops it off with, "Really, honey, you are totally paranoid to think I'd be cheating on you. Are you hormonal? Maybe you need to see a therapist."

3. You start to exhibit "crazy" behavior. You find yourself doing things that you couldn't imagine doing before you were with your man. Like questioning every time he goes out; accusing him of things that may or may not be true; going through the garbage to find "evidence" that he's lying to you again. You may find yourself desperately scouring the aisles of a grocery store, determined to get the right kind of pasta sauce so you don't "disappoint" him again, and end up having a meltdown when you find they're out of Classico.

4. You mistrust your perceptions. You're constantly being told that what you're seeing, hearing, feeling isn't what you're seeing, hearing, feeling. You tell a joke at a party and everyone laughs, but your husband later tells you you weren't funny. You look in the mirror and see someone who is thin, but he tells you you've gained weight. You've always thought you were smart, but somehow with your husband, you always feel dumb.

5. You begin to accept his perceptions, even though they don't seem true. You were at a restaurant with your husband and struck up a quick conversation with the waiter. Your husband tells you were being flirtacious. "Was I being flirtacious?" you ask yourself, even though that wasn't your intention at all. "I must have been and don't realize it." You ask what you think is a reasonable question only to be told you are harping. "Am I harping?" you think. "Maybe I am a nag."

6. You start to feel like your memory is terrible. Your husband is always saying something to the effect of, "I never said that, did that, promised that," to things you're pretty certain he said, did, or promised. He might tell you that he "never" gets on Facebook, but when you see him on Facebook and mention it, he says, "I didn't say I never went on Facebook. I just hardly go on it." Then you see him on it the next day. And the next.

7. You start to feel like your spouse has a terrible memory. You can have a deep conversation one night about something important to you, only to have your spouse say later, "We never talked about that," "I definitely never said that," or "Did you dream this?" You might get tempted to record conversations just so you can keep them straight.

8. You start lying. In order to avoid all of the mental abuse you'll know you'll get if you say a, b, or c, you start to lie. You were never a liar in the past. You don't lie to other people.

9. You begin to think you're crazy. You have thoughts like, "Maybe he's right and I'm just totally overreacting. I am always overreacting," or "There must be something wrong with me that I'm always on him about stupid things."

10. Depression. The end stage of being gaslighted is that you feel depressed, anxious, unsure, and hopeless. Does he care or not care? Are you oversensitive or do you have a right to complain? You end up getting so confused and disoriented that you check out into depression.

Every couple has miscommunications, and everyone hears or sees things sometimes that they misconstrue, but if you are frequently experiencing the above symptoms, you are likely being gaslighted.

Do you ever feel like this?

Image via iStock

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10 Signos de tu hombre es 'Gaslighting' que hacerte parecer loco

maandag 5 augustus 2013

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¿Alguna vez sentí como si fueras loco? Y no porque alguien tiene 5150 has. Pero porque alguien--quizás es tu marido - te dice que estás loco. "Estás loco?" escuchas una y otra vez. "Estás paranoico. Tienes que darte un chequeo de tu cabeza!" Oír eso bastantes veces y probablemente lo crees. ¿Pero estás realmente loco o es gaslighted?

"Gaslighted" es un término psiquiátrico que venía de una clásica película protagonizada por Ingrid Bergman llamado Gaslight (que era una obra de teatro británico antes de eso). En ella, su marido intenta llevarla loco. (Netflix.) Pero resulta que no está loca después de todo, su marido está tratando de hacerle creer que ella es. Gaslighting es una forma de abuso emocional en el que su compañero manipula su percepción de la realidad. Aquí es 10 señales de que estás siendo gaslighted.

1. Te dicen algo es normal que se puede sentir profundo en los huesos no es. Decir tu marido (o pareja o novio o incluso amigo) hace algo que parece extraño. Como pedirle que mentir por él. ¿Crees que esto es verdad. Tú lo dices. Él regresa con algo como, "cada mujer haría esto. Somos un equipo. Estoy en problemas y te necesito. Es increíble, que no crees que esto es normal. Hay algo malo contigo".

2. Te dicen que eres paranoico, demasiado sensible o estresado a. Otra vez, algo extraño sucede. Tu marido es visto con una mujer que no conoces. Le preguntaste por él. Él tiene una vaga explicación pero luego lo remata con, "cariño, eres totalmente paranoico pensar que podría estar engañándote. ¿Eres hormonal? Tal vez necesitas ver a un terapeuta."

3. Empezar a exhibir comportamiento "loco". Te encuentras haciendo cosas que no podía imaginar haciendo antes de que estabas con tu hombre. Como cuestionando cada vez sale; acusándolo de cosas que pueden o no ser verdadera; revisando la basura para encontrar "pruebas" que él está mintiendo otra vez. Te puedes encontrar desesperadamente para fregar los pasillos de un supermercado, determinado por el tipo de salsa para pasta para que no "decepcionar" lo nuevo y tener un colapso cuando encuentres están fuera Classico.

4. Desconfía de sus percepciones. Constantemente les dicen que lo que estás viendo, oír, sentir no es lo que estás viendo, escuchando, sintiendo. Contar un chiste en una fiesta y todos se ríen, pero tu marido después dice que no eras gracioso. Miro en el espejo y veo a alguien que es delgado, pero te dice que has ganado peso. Siempre has pensado que eras inteligente, pero de alguna manera con su marido, siempre te sientes tonto.

5. Comenzar a aceptar sus percepciones, aunque no parecen verdaderos. Estabas en un restaurante con su esposo y tuvimos una rápida conversación con el camarero. Su marido dice que estabas siendo flirtacious. "Estaba siendo flirtacious?" te preguntas, aunque no era su intención en absoluto. "Debe haber sido y no cuenta". Preguntas qué crees que es una pregunta razonable, sólo que se les diga que está machacando. "Estoy insistiendo?" crees. "Tal vez soy un gruñón".

6. Empiezas a sentir que su memoria es terrible. Tu marido siempre dice algo en el sentido de, "nunca dijo eso, hizo eso, prometió que," a las cosas que estás seguro que dijo, hizo o prometido. Tal vez te dijo que "nunca" se pone en Facebook, pero cuando lo ves en Facebook y nada, dice, "Yo no dije que nunca fui en Facebook. Sólo apenas ve en él". Luego lo ves en él al día siguiente. Y el siguiente.

7. Empiezas a sentir que su cónyuge tiene una memoria terrible. Usted puede mantener una conversación profunda una noche sobre algo importante para ti, sólo para que su cónyuge dijo después, "Nunca hemos hablado de eso", "definitivamente nunca dije eso", o "has soñado esto?" Tal vez te tentado a grabar conversaciones así puedes quedartelos recta.

8. Empezar mintiendo. Con el fin de evitar el abuso mental sabrás que obtendrá si dices todo a, b, o c, empiezas a mentir. Nunca fuiste un mentiroso en el pasado. No mientes a otras personas.

9. Comienza a pensar que estás loco. Tienes pensamientos como, "tal vez tiene razón y sólo estoy exagerando. Siempre estoy exagerando", o"Debe haber algo mal en mí que estoy siempre con él acerca de cosas estúpidas."

10. Depresión. La etapa final de ser gaslighted es que te sientes deprimido, ansioso, inseguro y sin esperanza. ¿Importa o no importa? ¿Estás hipersensible o tiene derecho a quejarse? Terminas poniendo tan confundido y desorientado que revisaste en depresión.

Cada pareja tiene problemas de comunicaciones, y todo el mundo escucha o ve las cosas a veces que malinterprete, pero si usted está experimentando con frecuencia los síntomas anteriores, que probablemente está siendo gaslighted.

¿Alguna vez te sientes así?

Imagen via iStock

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