Dad Slams Judgmental 'Child-Free' Busybodies in Amazing, Viral Blog Post

dinsdag 17 september 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Jenny Erikson 1 hour ago

Matt Walsh is a blogger, talk radio host, and dad to twins, and he recently had some words for a judgey non-parent about his deplorable attitude toward a young mom with a tantruming toddler in the grocery store.

Apparently, Matt was out shopping for ingredients to make chili when two things happened. One, he was recognized by a fan, and two, a mom was doing the best she could to manage her unruly toddler, who seemed to be ticked off because mom wouldn’t let him have the sugary cereal.

Matt writes:

I felt the woman’s pain ... She could bribe her kid into silence, but she was sticking to her guns. Good for her, I thought. Sure, if she’d only meet his ransom demands, my bean purchasing experience would be a bit more pleasurable, but I was rooting for her nonetheless. Not everyone felt the same way, apparently.

This is when the aforementioned fan loudly said, “Man, some people need to learn how to control their f**king kids.” Matt surmised that the guy looked about 19 or 20 and, with that kind of attitude, was obviously not a parent. It was also obvious that the mama heard the rude comment, so Matt said what any totally awesome, ballsy, knight-in-shining-dad-armor would:

Man, some people need to learn how to shut their mouths, watch their language, and mind their own business.

Parenting kids, especially little kids, is tough work, and Matt spends the rest of the post describing how not only non-parents turn into Judgey McJudgersons around young families, but how sometimes the older generation does too. He writes that parents of grown children sometimes “tend to dismiss the fact that modern parenting presents unique challenges, some of which didn’t apply several decades ago.”

And that brings us to one of my favorite lines written on the Internet this week:

I always love the older folks who lecture about how THEIR kids weren’t as 'attached to electronics' as kids are nowadays. That’s probably true, but mainly because, well, YOU DIDN’T HAVE ELECTRONICS. You had a toaster and a black and white TV with 2 channels, both of which were pretty easy to regulate. But, sure, congratulations for not letting your kids use things that didn’t exist. On that note, I have a strict 'no time machines or hover-boards' policy in my home. It is stringently enforced. I’m thinking of writing a parenting book: 'How to Stop Your Child From Becoming Dependent Upon Technology That Isn’t Invented Yet.'

Thank you Matt Walsh, from the bottom of this mama’s heart. If I could reach through the computer and give you a hug, I would.

Has your attitude on unruly toddlers changed since you became a parent?

Image via Jessica Lucia/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jenny Erikson

is a conservative chick living in Southern California with her two daughters. She loves politics and hates laundry.

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Can Moms Be Friends With the Child-Free?

woensdag 7 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota

The best parenting advice I've gotten lately was from a friend of mine who isn't a mom. I tell you that because, amazingly, it seems we're never tired of finding new ways of fighting the "mommy wars" and this latest iteration -- moms vs. non-moms -- is just totally nuts. The current Time magazine cover story explores all the ways women who choose not to have kids might be living it up, but says they're judged for that choice by us moms. And a New York Times column by KJ Dell'Antonia asks the followup question of whether or not parents can be friends with non-parents.

I understand where the question is coming from, but I have one very strong answer to it:

Of course we can! And not only CAN we, but we SHOULD!

Some of my women friends don't have kids yet, but they'd like to. And others probably never will, because they don't want to. Some of my 'child-free' friends were my friends before I had a baby, and some have become my friends since then. In fact, back when I had my daughter Isabella, NONE of my close friends had kids yet. My bestie Amy didn't have a baby until a good five years after Isabella was born, and nothing -- absolutely NOTHING -- changed about our friendship when only one of us was a mom.

I won't lie: It's definitely easier to MEET other moms, simply because so much of my free time revolves around my mommy activities, whether it's school or ballet or birthday parties. And when I was a brand new mom, living in a strange new state, with no close friends or family around, I actively sought out new mom groups and mommies to be friends with because I felt so alone and insecure. Some of those women I met 10 years ago have become my dearest friends, and our daughters are close friends too, so that also makes things easy in way.

But the two couples my husband and I hang out with the most these days both don't have any children. They're all great, warm people who welcome Isabella into just about any gathering, so that helps enormously, of course. And kid-free women I've met through work or other activities like my coaching for Girls on the Run have become invaluable sources of friendship and support to me -- as I hope I have for them (even though I tend to be flakier than them when it comes to getting together).

Here are a few of the reasons why I love my 'child-free' friends:

1. They give great advice.

Yep, that's right! People without children can give insightful, helpful, and supportive advice ... about parenting, no less. Just the other day after a really trying dinner out with my family, I sent a semi-hysterical email to a good friend of many years who lives on the west coast. "Isabella's turning into a teenager," I (virtually) sobbed. "She's being so rude and snotty to me! I can't believe it! I'm not ready for this!" My friend wrote back right away with some really helpful, insightful thoughts that totally made me feel better and helped me gain a little perspective on the situation. Is my friend a mom? No, but she was a tween herself once and has an empathetic and kind heart.

2. They remind me that my identity doesn't begin and end at "mom."

It's easy to get totally wrapped up in the world of parenting -- even my husband and I find ourselves talking about Isabella when we're supposed be out on a date night! But there's a lot more about me than the fact that I'm a mother, and when I'm out with a non-mommy girlfriend, it's easier to remember that, if only because we actually talk about things OTHER than kids.

3. They're great presences in my daughter's life.

I love carting Isabella around to spend time with my 'child-free' girlfriends, all of whom are living interesting, dynamic lives and will continue to do so whether or not they ever have children.

4. They're fun!

Not that my mom friends aren't fun (they are, as a whole, totally nuts and hilarious to hang out with), but my friends without kids are pretty much ALWAYS up for a night out, an impromptu cocktail party, a movie ... you name it. They're also the ones most likely to host an event where we HAVE to get a babysitter (THANK YOU!).

I love being a mom, and my heart really breaks for anyone who wants that but, for whatever reason, hasn't been able to achieve it. But that doesn't mean that I judge other women for not having kids, or think when I meet them that we automatically won't have enough in common to be friends.

Do you have women friends who don't have children?

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'Time' Magazine's 'Childfree' Life Article Shows Moms What They Are Missing

dinsdag 6 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Sarah Bernard 10 hours ago

As someone who has not taken a vacation in the seven years since my twins were born -- a real one that involves lying in the sand in a bathing suit -- Lauren Sandler's Time magazine cover story about life being better without kids seriously struck a nerve.

My daughters aren't only the best thing I have ever done, they were a hard-won prize that came with one of those harrowing IVF stories we are all accustomed to hearing now. When motherhood didn't come easily to me, I was devastated, depressed, and distraught. The idea that the thing I most desperately wanted in my entire life might never happen was equal to annihilation. Yes, that real and that intense.

I hate being away from my girls. But this summer they have been lucky enough to spend weekdays at day camp in the country with grandparents and a babysitter running the ship while my husband and I work. And I am slightly horrified to admit that for the first time maybe ever, I can see the appeal of the child-free life. 

Like all working moms, my day is book-ended between school drop-off and when the babysitter leaves. I am home often. Most nights, I'd say. And it is not a sacrifice. I want to hear about school, spend time with my goofballs, read them Rainbow Magic books before bed. I fall asleep with them more than I'd like to admit. But there you go. I just did. I would go so far as to say there might even be a bit of co-dependence going on between me and my daughters. Hence the vacation problem mentioned above.

When the summer started, I worried that I would miss them so badly and that they would miss me so badly that this experiment would fail miserably. I watched friends send their slightly older kids off to summer camp for seven impossibly long weeks and my heart broke for them. For the record, they have spent every day since trolling their camps' website for photos of their children looking happy that they then email around as evidence that their pain is worth it.

The first week that my husband and I were in the city, my girls called a lot. One of them would cry in the mornings because I wasn't there. Then, the calls tapered off. And something happened. My husband and I met for drinks at 9:30 p.m. I started staying up late and watching movies or reading. Reading! I met friends for dinner -- is it worth noting that these friends happened to be of the "childless" variety? I worked late -- the way I used to in the old days. It felt right. It felt normal.

I found myself saying goodbye to my munchkins on Sundays and secretly looking forward to the start of the week. Driving away from my girls, I felt downright giddy.

The truth is, my enjoyment of this time is in part because I know it is temporary. I know that in a matter of days, my husband and I will be back to doing the full-time parenting, the drudge work, the refereeing, the cuddling, the playing, and the answering of precocious questions that make me squeeze them so hard I could cry.

If this child-free life were in fact my full-time life, no matter what Lauren Sandler says is a statistical trend, or what the women she interviewed insist they prefer, I would be miserable. I think a lot of moms would agree. For many of us -- if not most -- having children is having it all.

Do you think you would have preferred a life without kids?

Image via Time magazine

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sarah Bernard

is a writer, producer, TV host, bargain shopper, HGTV addict, and mom of twin girls who are growing up too fast. 

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