Dads Are WAY Cooler With Each Other About Parenting Stuff Than Moms

vrijdag 20 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by David Serchuk 12 hours ago

I don’t know why, but from what I’ve seen dads are about 1000x chiller with one another than moms are. While you guys are all judging one another on just about everything -- breast feeding, sleeping, vaccinations, whatever -- we pretty much give the other dads we see high-fives, and nod. You’re doing your best, dog. I get it.

All you have to do is look at the comments section of any parenting site. (Maybe even this one? I won’t say.) If it has to do with birth, schooling, or, again, breast feeding, women are all up in one another’s business. 

I just don’t see that from dads. You know how many negative comments and/or judgments I’ve gotten from my guy friends about my parenting? Absolutely zero. And I’ve been a dad for five years! I’m pretty sure I’ve made at least a few big mistakes in that time. In fact, I know it. I’ve even told some of my friends about these mistakes. Their response? Either they don’t care, or they understand, because they’ve made some mistakes too.

Do we dads set the bar too low? After all, we’ve heard a lot about the ongoing crisis in fatherhood. You know, deadbeat dads, dads barely in their kids’ lives, all that stuff. Maybe there wouldn’t be as many dad-related problems if we got a little preachy with one another? I can’t say. But we’re just not. (Maybe I’m just lucky all my friends are good dads?)

Where does this lack of parenting judgment come from? One guess: Dads just aren’t as fascinated by the families of their dad friends as moms are. Example: I’ll be on the phone with a friend, someone I haven’t spoken to for a while. At the end of it I’ll get off, having had a great time, catching up. My wife will ask how my friend is doing, and whether his pregnant wife finally gave birth. My answer: I don’t know? This always blows her mind.

But we were talking, you know? About stuff we always talk about: politics, comic books, maybe sports, stuff we did in summer camp in 1987. Timmy taking the bottle doesn’t always make the cut.

But if we did discuss our kids I’m pretty sure we would have said we each were doing a good job.

Why do you think dads aren't as judgmental of other dads as moms are of each other?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR David Serchuk

David Serchuk lives in Louisville, Kentucky, with his wife, daughter, and two cats. He loves to play music, read, do stuff with that wife and daughter, and sometimes even write. In 1995 he had a column called "Serchuk on Sex," but that was some time ago.

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3 Ways Attachment Parenting Messed Up My Kid

vrijdag 13 september 2013

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AppId is over the quota
by Jacqueline Burt 8 hours ago

Let me preface my sad, sorry tale of attachment parenting gone horribly awry by saying this: I do not think attachment parenting in and of itself is a bad thing. I'm not, in any way, shape or form, even approaching the territory of judging anyone's child-rearing choices or styles or anything of the sort; I am simply admitting that I personally maybe did attachment parenting wrong. (That said, I'm hardly the only mom to feel this way.)

As with so many things, it sounded like a good idea at the time. "The time" being when my first kid was born 12 years ago. I was a new mom, young, and, well, already ridiculously attached to my daughter -- she'd just spent 9 months inside my body, for god's sake! I couldn't even leave the poor child in her crib alone for an entire night without hyperventilating. 

So the principles of attachment parenting -- co-sleeping, baby-wearing, breastfeeding on demand -- not only made sense to me, they validated my particular set of post-partum neuroses. And, to be fair, everything worked well for a while ... meaning, infancy went pretty well. It wasn't until we hit toddlerdom and "Me & My Shadow" became the the soundtrack of my life that I started to second-guess my decision to aggressively bond with my baby, as it were. It's not that I minded never being able to go to the bathroom by myself (that much). It's more that I began to see what a disservice I'd done my daughter with my bastardized version of attachment parenting. Or maybe it was exactly what attachment parenting is supposed to be, I don't know. Point is, it made problems -- and 12 years later, new ones keep a-croppin' up. Here are a bunch of those problems, from the early years:

1. The transition to preschool was a nightmare. I was constantly getting called to pick my daughter up from pre-kindergarten because she was crying so hard for me. The worst part wasn't hauling my then-pregnant self back to school at a second's notice, it was watching my daughter miss out on all the fun her more well-adjusted classmates were having.2. The addition of a sibling was TRAUMATIC. Guess what? it's nearly impossible to "attachment parent" two kids at once. Whoops! My daughter will never forgive my son for being born!3. Sleep was a joke. The bigger your kid gets, the harder getting any actual sleep whilst co-sleeping becomes. Oh, and co-sleeping with two kids? Hope your bed is freaking enormous!Like I said, it could very well be that I attachment parented incorrectly or that the method just wasn't right for my family, so no need for any successful attachment parents to take offense at my experience. But ... it WAS my experience. How about you?Did you/do you attachment parent? How's it working for you?Click the "Like" button below to get Natural Parenting stories on Facebook. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jacqueline Burt

has written for numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites. She is easily bored and often tired, so she requires constant entertainment to keep her awake. Dance, Monkey! Dance! 

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