Our ‘Hookup Culture’ Could Mean Women Have Given Up on Love and Marriage

woensdag 17 juli 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Sasha Brown-Worsham 13 hours ago

A recent article in The New York Times Magazine about the "hookup culture" running rampant on college campuses (and beyond) has tongues wagging, especially because, by and large, the people featured were young women. And none of these young women had the desire or inclination to "date" or be "in a relationship." They are too busy. They just want to have sex and move on. The horror!

The reality is, this is not news. The "hookup culture" has been part of college since long before I was in school, and I am sure it will remain for long after these girls leave. Still, for many years, college was also the place where women went to "earn their MRS degree." In other words, they were looking for husbands. Well, no more.

Casual sex is now the name of the game. One junior at Penn (all the girls were anonymous) said:

I positioned myself in college in such a way that I can’t have a meaningful romantic relationship, because I’m always busy and the people that I am interested in are always busy, too.

This makes sense. But casual sex isn't always simple. It has its place, by all means, it can be fun. But the reasons these girls are doing it is disturbing. They are saying there is no room for love or emotion in their lives. They are saying it's all pointless in the face of ambition and drive.

That seems very sad.

It's not that I agree with Susan Patton, the Princeton mom who thinks all girls ought to be looking for their spouse at Princeton. As she says:

For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.

It's not about that. It's not about money or prestige or any other kind of thing. It's about love. No matter how successful we are, no matter how much money we make, without love, none of it really means anything. And that is what is getting lost here.

We can say they will find love later, and it's true, they might. But when will they make time for it? When will love ever be the priority and something they are willing to sacrifice for?

As a mom, I would want more for my kids. Sure, I want them to be ambitious and successful and go to Ivy league schools and all that, but I also want them to find love, to prioritize it, and to find a partner who makes them better than they would be otherwise.

People can (and should) experiment with sexuality. But this sounds less like casual sex for sex's sake and more like a utilitarian thing: I have needs, you have needs, let's pound this out and get back to work. That's not romance or love. But it's not even sexy either. It's just kind of sad.

We make the time for the things we value, and valuing success and money over love and relationships is a mistake. Ten years from now, I would love to hear how these young women fare.

Do you think constant sex without love is a good idea?

Image via bobbi vie/Flickr

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sasha Brown-Worsham

can't decide whether she is a mother, writer, or runner, but is usually all three at some point each day. She has written for dozens of print magazines, newspapers, and websites. She rarely ever writes on bathroom walls.

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Women Reveal the 1 Beauty Routine They've Given Up

zaterdag 13 juli 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota

It's astonishing the amount of beauty routine most women go through. I don't think men even have the slightest idea of all of the crap we put ourselves through! But some women are beginning to say, "Enough!" and chuck certain beauty routine staples. One woman admits that she stopped shaving -- entirely. She no longer shaves her legs, armpits, or lady parts. Paloma Goni wrote in The Huffington Post:

Women have hair on their legs. We have hair on our armpits. And on our pubis. And in a thousand other places. We're hairy, the same as men. And that's real. A reality that women, pressured by one another, insist on hiding.

So she stopped doing it. Well, good for her. Apparently her boyfriend doesn't mind it either, because although he refused to take a pic of her hairy pits, he didn't break up with her! I decided to ask around and see if there were other routines women gave up on. Here are 10.

Teeth whitening.

One woman says she "used to buy a tube of stuff from Duane Reade" but stopped when she became pregnant and never went back to it.

Waxing eyebrows.

One woman used to do this every month, but it became too onerous, and she now does it only a couple of times a year.

Face moisturizer.

This woman says she stopped because she felt like she was "suffocating" when she put it on.

Deodorant.

One woman began wearing "natural" deodorant when she was pregnant, and then after she had the baby, she just kind of stopped the thing entirely.

Brazilian waxes.

Says one woman, "I used to do it all the time but trimming and shaving is enough!" She concedes that her recent marriage might have made her a tad more flexible down there.

Showering on the weekends.

"What's the point?"

Anti-aging creams.

One woman stopped after reading that they contained "plastic/petro/heavy chemicals" and she doesn't feel like the expensive creams work anyway.

Douching.

One woman stopped after reading this was bad for the natural chemical balance of the vajay.

Botox.

One woman stopped after realizing she was spending thousands a year on trying to stay the natural aging process. She now spends that dough on educational classes and travel.

Dyeing hair.

One woman decided to suck it up and accept her grays. Kudos!

As for myself, I've stopped wearing mascara. Pretty much no matter what brand I try, I end up looking like a raccoon after a few hours.

Are there any beauty routines you refuse to do anymore?

Image via MeddyGarnet/Flickr

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