'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Joanna Krupa Unleashes Her Dark Side

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by Rebecca Stokes 10 hours ago

A flamingo sat on the docks enjoying a daiquiri and the sight of nubile women in bikinis while he worked on the latest chapter of his fictional opus, The Real Housewives of Miami. His tale was rife with romantic conflict and sexual torpor. It was the story of friendships made and destroyed. It was also the story of Elsa Patton's face. 

In this most recent installment, Joanna Krupa and Adriana De Moura made tentative amends (while Frederic Marq and Romain Zago squeezed each other's knees beneath the table). Romain and Joanna tried to solve their sexual problems, but because Joanna couldn't find a mask that looked like Frederic, they were unsuccessful. Adriana had the saddest bachelorette party of all time complete with levitating underpants, Alexia Echevarria tried to soothe her son Peter's troubled past, and Marysol Patton was excited to see her mother getting back up on her feet. The verbose flamingo was thus far pleased with how his story had developed. 

There were many killer moments on this week's episode -- Marysol candidly admitting that she always wanted to be a fireman was one of them for sure. Did you see her frolicking with that fire extinguisher as Adriana burned her old wedding dress? Amazing. The most amazing part of arguably the lamest bachelorette party in the world. Snooze-fest! If I have to hear Adriana talk about her fear of trust and commitment one more time, I will set MYSELF on fire. 

The real winners this week were Romain and Joanna. While they may not have solved their trouble in the sack, I'm in full support of their problems continuing if it means we get to see more disastrous role play. Joanna wore a wig, y'all! Poor, panicked Romain donning glasses and mumbling about how he is a pilot? Sign me up. Of course Joanna's character was like an extra out of an even darker version of Black Swan. Verily, there was no coitus had that night, though Romain did offer some time playing with his Wii. Sadly, this is not innuendo. 

It seems like the tentative peace that has been brokered is going to go off the rails next time. There was no Lea Black this week and, as such, no drama. Though Marysol is still festering about Lea not checking in on her mother Elsa post-stroke. Come back, Lea, I pine for thee, quoth the flamingo from his place on the pier. He is smoking a cigar now. 

What was your favorite moment this week, did you miss Lea?

Image via BravoTV.com

Click the "Like" button below if you're a fan of Real Housewives. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Rebecca Stokes

Rebecca is a writer who lives in Brooklyn with her cats. She is probably even at this moment spilling food on herself.

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