Sex Confession: Wife Fears Having Sex and Husband Isn't Helping

maandag 26 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
by Michele Zipp 10 hours ago

"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

There are lots of things we fear. Things we should be afraid of and things we shouldn't -- we know the difference. But Tara*, a 30-something married mom of four kids under 6 has a huge fear that really affecting her marriage, specifically her sex life. She has four kids under 6 -- a 1-year-old, 3-year-old twins, and a 5-year-old. I think you can guess what she's afraid of ... having sex and getting pregnant again. I'm kind of amazed her and her husband even have the time to try to have sex, but they do. Yet whenever those times come around, Tara has been saying no and her husband isn't happy. I'll let her explain.

Jake* and I have been married for 8 years and we have four kids. We got right down to making babies soon after our wedding and all has been wonderful and lovely and happiness and roses but I'm done. Womb is closed. But Jake isn't ready to make anything permanent because he thinks we may change our minds and want to have another baby in the next few years. I'm done! I told him. DONE. But who knows, I may change my mind in a few years and want another baby though I really, truly highly doubt that. I love our family the way it is. I have a hard enough time balancing everything as it is now, but it gets done, we all get it done together, and all is great.

Because I know Jake still wants to have more kids and because I know I'm not into that I'm afraid to have sex with him. What if I get pregnant? I'm not on any kind of birth control because it makes me nutty. Even still, I was on birth control when I got pregnant with babies 2 and 3. Jake doesn't put on a condom when we have sex so the fear of possibly getting pregnant overrides my desire to have sex. Jake doesn't get it. He thinks if we do get pregnant we should just be happy about it and see it as a blessing. Which I would, but I'm not ready to have another baby -- I don't want 5 kids under 7. So because I really don't trust the situation I choose to say no to sex.

He doesn't get it. He gets upset with me. I don't want him to be upset with me. But I'm scared. It seems like all he has to do is breathe in my direction and I get pregnant so I'm thinking we should cool it for a little bit. Or figure something else out -- a birth control that is better or a more drastic measure of me getting my tubes tied. The problem is Jake isn't into that because of wanting more kids. 

I just don't know what to do. I want to stay connected, sexually, and I want to keep communication going well between us. But we aren't seeing eye to eye here.

What do you think Tara should do? Have you ever felt like she does?

Image via Nicolas Raymond/Flickr

Click "Like" if you love your husband! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Michele Zipp

loves vintage and will defend skinny jeans to the death though she is highly superstitious and "death" is probably a bad word choice. She has a touch of the hoarding disease and enjoys sleuthing, the worst reality shows, and wearing high heels, even at the playground. She's an AP mom of twins, slightly crunchy but with a pedicure.

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Helping a Mom in Public: Dos and Dont's for Strangers

woensdag 21 augustus 2013

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota

Sometimes parents of toddlers are totally overwhelmed and need help. And sometimes parents of toddlers just seem overwhelmed, but really we'd love it if you could just mind your own business. It can be hard for a well-meaning stranger to tell the difference. When should you step in to help, and why are parents of toddlers so pissy and defensive all the time, anyway?

Relax. I've got all the answers right here. This is a list of the ways parents of toddlers would love your help -- and when we don't want your help.

Please open the door for me when I'm struggling with the stroller. You're not obligated, but I do appreciate it.

Please don't tell me children don't belong here, wherever we are.

Please don't give me a lecture on disciplining children while my toddler is in the middle of a meltdown. I can't hear you.

Please just give me a sympathetic smile and move along when you see my toddler back-bending and caterwauling mid-tantrum in the middle of the cereal aisle in the grocery store.

Please don't offer him candy, either.

Please don't offer my kid any food of any kind, ever, come to think of it.

Please keep your dog the hell away from my toddler while he's strapped down, helpless, in his stroller.

Please tell me if something disgusting is leaking from my toddler's pants. I don't want to know, but I need to know.

Please tell me if you just saw my toddler put something in his mouth. Especially if that something is still alive.

Please hand me a tissue if you happen to notice my toddler's face is coated in mucus like a glazed donut.

Please don't tell me I'm "doing it wrong" -- whatever "it" is.

Please offer to help me juggle my bags if you see my struggling, but don't just start grabbing things because I have no idea if you're about to rob me.

Please body-block my toddler if you see him running directly into the street.

Please don't clutch your pearls and offer to call the paramedics if my toddler falls and scrapes his knee. He'll be fine, really.

Please don't tell me my toddler is too big to still be breastfeeding.

Please don't make that scary face at my toddler. We are not amused.

Please don't tell me it's too dangerous for my toddler to jump/slide/run. I know his limits, and so does he, for that matter.

Please tell me if my toddler has kicked off his shoe and thrown it out of his stroller. Bonus points to those of you who pick it up and hand it to me.

Please direct your sneezes and coughs and belches away from my toddler's face.

Please offer my toddler a seat on the bus. Actually, give me the seat because I'm more tired -- the kid can sit on my lap.

Please tell me this time passes quickly because, honestly, I only hear that 100 times a day and I need to hear it again.

Thank you.

What kind of help from strangers do you appreciate?

Image via Richard Stephenson/Flickr

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